Summer Hottin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Woooweee!!!! It is hotter than raccoon roadkill on my Papa's bbq in the middle of august in hell, right now!!! heehee
I am lookin' forward to gettin' to some type of water, whether it be a river or a lake, or even a damn mud puddle down town!!!!
I gotta get cooled off, cuz fans are broken and I can only take off so many articles of clothing before the neighbors start callin' the damn cops! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA.....only thing is, i've slept with most of them local cops!!! heehee ;) (don't tell their wives!)

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Sun Bathin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
Just thought I'd do a lil' post before the gorgeous weekend!!!!!!!
Here are some Joleaner Rules to Remember for the summer:
1. If ya are outta sunblock, use Crisco, spread that shit on good, cuz it'll crisp ya right up!
2. Whenever you are ready for luvin' in the sand with yer partner, use a blanket, I'm still pickin' sand outta my cooter and cornhole from last summer!!!!!
3. If yer kids are startin' to act up at the beach, pool, lake, or whatever, make sure to bring naked baby pics of them in yer purse, that always shuts them right the hell up! Or ya can always pull off yer top 'accidentally'...heehee
4. If it's warm enough to swim, it's warm enough to piss in the water, and if ya gotta go #2, just be kindly and make sure i'm not downstream!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

High Flyin'....

Hey Ya'all!

Jolean Thorton here, and I'm sicker than a dawg ya'all!!!! And ya know what I've learned when ya get sick, other people suck even more!
Yeah, the kids/family see that yer down, and just take take take....SON OF A BITCH!!! bastards
BUT, the upside??? The damn meds that I double dose-up on with my Scotch!!! AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA.... I'm flyin' higher than than a turkey with one feather on Thanksgiving!!!!! What does that mean? I don't know, and I don't really give a flyin' hoot neither !!! LMAO

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Midget Jokin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
Here's yer Joke of the Day!!!

When do you kick a midget in the balls?
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When he's standin' next to yer girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!!!

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean

Knot Tyin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
Well, he we go with another week of summer weather and just not knowin' what to do with myself!!! I know we gotta be filmin' for all you 'Joleaners' out there, and we got a good week fer that, but what i'm talkin' about, holy high hell on a bucket of fire water, I got relatives crawlin' up my ass and annoyin' the stink hole outta me....SON OF A BITCH!!!
Just because I make sure my kids are busy and outta my hair for there vacation, all the relatives are like, well, what did you do different than us????
I told them I turned off the electric, so they don't sit on their asses and watch the damned TV all summer!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA....except in my room of course, I gotta keep up on my daily stories!!!!! heeeheee
My kids are actually quite active in the outside, they sure know how to make some good rope knots, just ask that elderly fellow down the street with a walker that they keep tyin' to the fire hydrant!!! AHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Summerin'....

Hey Ya'all!!!
And Happy Friday, ooooooh, it's gonna be a wild and hot weekend ya'all, and i sure am ready fer it!!!
I finally got into the second half of my bikini, and believe me, I thinks it's on there till the end of summer....ahahhahhahaa
Anyhoo, my team and me are gettin' all ripened and prepped, sorry that sounds like a hemorroid thing...heehee, well, we are gettin' ready to jump back into a full filming schedule, so stay tuned ya'all, cuz this summer is gonna be freakin' awesome, especially if I get laid!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAA....
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean ;)

G-Spottin'...

Happy Thursday Mornin' To Ya'all!!!

Okay, time for a joke of the week!!!!

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?

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A guy will actually search for the bottle of Jack Daniels!!!!

AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Sexy Mowin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
Soooo, here's another little fun filled story of the summer....
I get back here to Maine, minus half of my kids which I now regret, since I was plannin' on just loungin' around while they did all the yard work. Well, my and the leftovers had a knife throwin' contest at the ol' man down the street to see who was doin' what fer the summer! heehee, I got an arm, so I get stuck with mowin' the damn lawn!
Well, I get all excited and nearly peed when I see there's a ridin' lawn mower! It's got a cup holder for my cocktail, a boom box duct taped to the side for my cassette tapes, YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BE ROCKIN' THAT SHIT FER THE SUMMER!!!! WOOWOO!!!
Well, I get my cut offs on, my bra top, and I am glistenin' head to toe cuz I just rubbed myself down in baby oil....hmmmmm, I love to give a show to the neighbors....ahahhahahhahahhaaaa
Anyhoo, I get my drink, put in my patsy cline cassette tape, and go to start that bitch up when BOOM!!! Nothin' is happenin'...the damn ridin' lawn mower is broken!!! And after much swearin', kickin', and a cryin', I find myself in a pickle, great now I'm hungry dammit!!!
And needless to say, I've slept with most of the neighborhood mens that would know how to fix it, well, they all ended badly, and I ain't got money to do shit with it either!!! Great, now I'm hot, hungry, AND horny....SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Well, guess what this gal is doin' fer the summer until my knight in shinin' speedo comes to rescue me??? THAT'S RIGHT, I AM WEED WHACKIN' THE DAMN LAWN WITH AN ELECTRIC WHACKER, AND A `1000 FOOT ELECTRIC CORD!!!!! This ain't gonna end well ya'all....heehee
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Bird Sexin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
It's another gorgeous day in Maine, filled with blue sky, green trees, birds chirpin', actually, they been chirpin' them damn beaks off, so I imagine they are prolly in heat. And I never thought to wonder, do birds have peckers? How do they have sex? And what if the boy bird finishes before the girl bird, and get's it all over her feathers? That must be a damn mess, and I wouldn't blame her if she kicked him out, and went fer a crow or sumthin'. I mean, if they are havin' bird sex, why not a big black one???!!! Am I right, or am I right???!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Midget Rashin'

Well, Happy Day to ya'all!!!
Boy has it been a while or what?! LMAO I have been on my travels down south and am so happy to be back in Maine, cuz I sweat like a damned stuffed pig in that freakin' heat!!!! I mean, I was born in the swamps, there's shade and moisture, which can make fer some really dirty luvin'...heehee
I think I had 10 different kinds of heat rashes, I mean, I heard of friction, but this shit was making out maps on my inner thighs ya'all, not the way I wanted to spend my summer, especially when I finally got into one half of my bikini!!!! heehee
I've lost half of my kids along the way, even my little Midge, found her Daddy at the circus in Florida, now she's not just a little person, but a little person who dresses up like a clown, and pole dance on a high wire act...This sure is one proud Mama!!! I still ain't decided if I'm sayin' that sarcastically or not! ahahhahahahha
Well, I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)