Body Hidin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Woowee!!! Well, it finally is startin' to warm up like a fresh dog piss on Sunday afternoon fire hydrant in July! Thoughts of summer, the beach, the blazing sun, and a thong caught in between my ass cheeks...heehee!!!!
Sortin' and packin' is almost done, and lemme tell ya, my kids are pack rats!!! I can't tell ya how long it took me to move that body underneath my twins bed!!! Why was it underneath there? I don't know. Who was it? I don't know. Does it really matter? Only if the fuzz finds the body, but lemme tell ya, I learned a few things when I was a war bride to that drug lord down in Cuba back in '94! (wink-wink)

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Lobster Bib Purse - Buttery Boobs - Jolean Does it!

Mornin' Ya'all! Just wanted to share this vid for today cuz I wanted to DAMMIT!!!
We are gonna filmin' over the next coupla days, so busy busy busy so we can keep bringin' ya'all new vids every single day!
And remember, sometimes it's not good to trust a fart on the subway...ALWAYS WEAR PANTYHOSE!!!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Blue Birdin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

So, as I saw the kids off to school today, bluebirds started flyin' around my head, a supposed sign of spring! :) I don't know bout spring, but it's definitely a good sign of a yummy lunch! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Shortin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Busy day today cleanin' and a packin'...
Make sure ya'all get laid on this hump day! LOL
Don't ferget to have a Happy Day and SMILE!!! :)

XX...Jolean

Scummin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

HOLY ROLLING PORCUPINE'S ON A TAMPON!!!!! As ya'all know, this winter has been one of the worst in history, and me and my kids have been tryin' to survive in this damn rental house that's fallin' down around us quicker than a drunk sorority girl's panties at a house party!!! heeheehee
Anyhoo, ain't it funny how people see things differently? I been sinkin' all my money, or what money I got, tryin' to keep us warm and thawing pipes, and ya'all know the drill. Well, seems like my scumlords, excuse me, landlords, only see that i've been late on my rent, actually I ain't been able to pay in 2 months, thank the state and government fer that one. And they think I'm livin' it up over here, when I am just tryin' to survive. And believe me you, if I had a vehicle, I would work, but I'm out in the middle of nowhere, and I ain't takin' the kids damn school bus to work either!!!! heeheeeheee
Anyhoo, looks like me and the kiddies gotta find another place to live in a week, especially after that damn landlord(the husband) wanted 'special favors' fer payment! And I can't even afford my alcohol in order to be able to do that!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Firefighter's and Strippin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, it's official! This freakin' polar shift that happened last year has turned Maine into Alaska! And it sucks great big hairy diseased puss-filled ingrown haired chaffed bloody disgusting donkey balls!!!!!!
I've already started packin' a suitcase. I'm goin' to Florida, don't know when or how, but I'm goin', and the kids can come down with their Aunt and Uncle. But I'm goin' early!!!
I already got a job, yes it's workin' fer tips, and yes it's the night shift, and yes, it's dancin' on a pole at the local Fire Department down south. I sent them an audition video, and yes, it was 15 years old...heehee....

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Fundin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

We are tryin' to raise money to help keep 'Jolean Does it!' going.
Please check out the link below!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!!
XX...Jolean

http://www.gofundme.com/7pe5pg

Crappy Cookin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, I've learned my lesson on lettin' the kids cook dinner, once again! I think they screw it up just to piss me off!!! LOL
I'm talkin' about tuna fish sandwiches with Rice Krispies mixed in, tomato soup with pickles and jalapenos, and then them little bastards put garlic powder in my freakin' whiskey!!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

STUPID SNOWIN'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Snow Sucks! That is all.

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! Lord knows I'm tryin' my hardest here...
XX...Jolean

Donkey Pissin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!!
I hope ya'all get humped, or do some humping, even if it's a rusty fire hydrant on the side of road in Tijuana! heehee
Just watch out fer them urinating one-eyed, three legged donkey's just lookin' fer love and a place to empty their bladders. heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Cuzin' Luvin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Wowzers, did I sleep solid last night ya'all!!! It's amazin' what a box of wine, 1/2 bottle of Jack Daniels, and sex with a stranger will do for ya!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA
Don't worry, the kids are with Granny Candy in the RV park, and the stranger wasn't really a stranger. It was my cuzin' Vinnie Junior, my Aunt and Uncle's son. It was the only son of theirs that I hadn't diddled with yet...heeeheee....oh don't worry, we ain't really cuzins, just blood related!
But now I am refreshed and ready fer the day!!! Almost like I did a Summer's Eve and Calgon Bath at the same time!!!! AHAHAHAHHAAA

I hope Ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Crusty Cleanin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

It's Monday, and thanks goodness the kids are in school, now it's time fer Mama to clean house after the weekend, meanin' cleanin' the filthy bathrooms(I got 8 1/2 kids, so you can only imagine...heehee), laundry, crusty sheets(damn boys), and I got one daughter who thinks playin' 'hide the dirty tampon'is a funny game!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!

But, I also got my stories to watch before my brother hauls me off to the gym....UGG!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

South Movin'...

TGIF YA'ALL!!!!

And I mean that sincerely, from the depths of my cornhole that Jack Frost can kiss!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA

Seriously, AND NOW COLD WEATHER TO BOOT???!!! It's almost zero, my water pipes are frozen, and it's the middle of March!!!! I am movin' south this fall, and that ain't no joke either. I know I've joked and kidded bout that, but I am packin' up my kids and all their baggage(yes, the mental ones!!! LOL), my Aunt Lerlean and Uncle Vinnie sold their house and are comin' with us, it's gonna be a Thorton cluster-f@#$, but oh well!
I am gonna be on the beach this freakin' Thanksgivin', and you can quote me on that my dear Joleaners!!!! This Southern White Trash Ho is movin' back to the South!!!! WOOOWOOOOO!!!!!!
So put that in yer pipe and smoke it Jack!!!!! HA!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Kid Kiddin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

It's Thursday. Snow on the ground. Home with the kids, again. Well, we are all gonna have a damn cleanin' party and then do some filmin'.
My family may be a pain in my ass, but us Thorton's band together when the goin' gets tough, well, I start yellin', throwin' things, and threaten to give full custody to Tex, that's when they start listenin'...heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Storm Schoolin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well what horrid hump day!!!! I guess I wasn't dreamin' yesterday when I wrote my blog, THE SNOW IS COMIN' FER US YA'ALL!!!! RUN! HIDE! SAVE THE WOMEN AND THE CHILDRENS! CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO ALIENS AND AMMO! THE SNOW IS COMIN' FER US, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD....or the the beginnin', who the hell knows!
One of the things I don't understand is that the school called me at 6am in this mornin' to let me know the kids only have a half day of school cuz of the storm, BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED!!!! That never woulda happened when I was a young buxom thang in the 80's! We were in that school till 230!!!! I don't get these days, I think everyone walks on eggshells when it comes to kids...just my opinion. Them little bastards are gonna be cleanin' house fer Mama when then they get home, and they have some bedpans to empty and clean too...LMAO

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Snow Dreamin'...

Happy Terrific Tuesday Everyone!!!

I am writin' this from my dreams right now. I know I'm not awake right now ya'all, and ya'all know how I know, cuz there's new snow outside on the ground. It's the middle of March and this can't be real. And then someone in my dream told me we might get another foot of snow tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA to them, cuz I can wake up any time I want!
I think I might go out and get my newspaper in the nude.

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE, cuz I know I am in this wonderful dream. I'll have to write about it when I wake up.

XX...Jolean

Old Person Fartin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

So anyhoo, I've been havin' my Grandma Thorton stayin' with us, AND IT HAS BEEN HELL!!!
That old biddy needs her bed pan changed every hour, I've gone to makin' her wear them adult diapers, but she says they make her butt look big. HER FAT ASS MAKES HER BUTT LOOK BIG!!!!! AQHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA
The kids and I love her to death, focusing on the TO DEATH, (we can only pray right now...heehee) but she is drivin' us nuts with her loose anus lettin' them old person farts flyin' off the handle, burnin' her butthole, and makin' us all teary eyed!!!
Then she goes into her stories, and it amazes me that that woman is still alive!!!
But, at least I had someone else to play with on film, and she better be makin' us some money, dammit!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Evening and don't ferget to SMILE!
XX...Jolean

Hair Dryin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Okay, the weekend is here and it's supposed to be warmer weather.....YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! It's been a damn defensive porcupine in my cooter hole havin' to deal with frozen pipes every damn mornin', and my damn hair dryer that I use to thaw the pipes just melted and broke because it slipped onto some old insulation...PAIN IN MY COOTER HOLE!!!!! But, that's why I got a few daughters, cuz one of them is gonna be missin' their hair soon pretty damn soon....AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Burgerin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Oh my goodness, so my brother Chad has me ADDICTED to the tv show 'Bob's Burgers'!!!!! It's a cartoon and it's on Netflix, well, at least the first 2 seasons, and I keep watchin' them over and over, SON OF A BITCH!!!! It's takin' up my time from watchin' my stories (...hinthint...Days of Our Lives)
The kids on that show rival my own with their crazy shenanigans!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAA
WAIT!!! ME AND MY KIDS NEED TO BE A CARTOON!!!!! HOLY CRAP YEAH!!!!
Make sure to check it out, and I gots to get caught up on the current ones....

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Mardi Grasin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, Mardi Gras is over, and I didn't even know it was goin' on!!!! LMAO Priorities change when you live in the woods versus the city....heehee. I happened to catch a story on the radio about how it's been the coldest Mardi Gras in HISTORY!!!! Same up here in Maine, and I don't have to say anymore, cuz I've ranted enough bout that, and I'm even tired of rantin' and bitchin' bout how F'ING COLD IT STILL IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jolean, the human Popsicle..... and my lil' popsicle children! LMAO

I remember livin' in the city and me and my girlfriends used to plan out our week fer Mardi Gras, a different bar/club every night and then we would hit them all in one night, FAT TUESDAY!!! And I never had to worry bout the kids cuz we lived in the city and a sitter was easy to find, and if there was an emergency, it was immediate attention.
Now, one of them little bastards can get stolen by a bear or sasquabotch, and I wouldn't know fer days!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Calm Sleepin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

HAPPY TERRIFIC TUESDAY!!!! I know, I know, I am up early, and I feel like I'm on crack!!!! LMAO Guess that's what happens when I actually get a good nights sleep! heehee
It must be this damn FREEZE that we are in, and I think the kids are sick of it too, they been nestin' down early and not tryin' to kill each other. It's nice, but it scares me...EEK! Kinda like the calm before the storm....it's the freeze calm before the spring storm! LOL

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Resolutionin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

So I have a question fer ya'all out there....
How have yer New Years Resolutions been goin'?
Me personally, I'm doin' more than great with mine...I haven't gotten pregnant, they haven't found that body, I haven't gotten remarried, I'm still filmin'(a new video EVERY DAY YA'ALL!!!),
...and then there's the one's I'm still workin' on...
I still have all 8 1/2 kids at home, I'm still need to lose 10 pounds(ALRIGHT, 30!!!), I still need to move where it don't snow, and I still got that recurring rash on my cooter hole...

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Top Tennin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Hope ya'all are havin' a super awesome weekend!!!
Well, it's Sunday, and Team Jolean is gonna be filmin' all day to keep all you Joleaner's out there laughin' and happy!!!
I've got a question fer ya'all, I need some ideas on doin' more TOP 10 LISTS, since my first ones did so well, and were so much fun.
Lemme know below, or email me.
Stay warm and it's Sunday, so Get God Ya'all! :)
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!

XX...Jolean

Cooter Hole Chillin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

Well, it's another cold day in hell!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA

This gal ain't goin' through another winter...F*#@ THAT!!! This has been one of the longest, coldest, and bullshittiest winters in East Coast History!!!
I woke up to frozen pipes, AGAIN, (and I ain't talkin' about my ex Tex not bein' able to perform in the snow....heehee) a free flowin' sewer underneath the house, (and I ain't talkin' bout that dirty toothless stripper that sometimes passes out underneath the porch...LMAO), and let me tell you, it don't seem how warm you get yer house, there is still that chill in the air that ya can't get rid of, and now it's seepin' into my bones, makin' me go APE SHIT!!!! And it ain't just me, my girl Lulu, and many others, have said the same thing about this winter...and THEY ARE ALL MOVIN' DOWN SOUTH!!!!(and I ain't talkin' bout takin' off my Tuesday Panties! LOL)
So now, it's time to start makin' plans to get the hell outta this place, I mean, I wish me and my kids, well, minus the kids, heehee, could have the summer of Maine, all year round, hence the need to move down south. I guess I'm ready to deal with floods and hurricanes instead of the freezin' pain in my ass, chokin' me to death, rash on my cooter hole, ice pick in the ear, F'ING COLD!!!!
Has anyone ever been to Florida? And what would ya'all think of seein' me and my clan ON THE BEACH??? WOOWOO!!!!! JOLEAN DOES IT, ON THE SOUTH SHORES!!!!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean