New Yearin'...

Happy New Years Eve Ya'all!!!

House Thorton is ripe and ready fer this new year to begin!!! Even I'm runnin' around and screamin' with the kids. Oh yeah sure, when kids do it, it's just them bein' them, but when an adult does it, ya get the cops called on ya and sit through a weeks worth of therapy sessions, that's why we keep the noise indoors now...AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA....SON OF A BITCH!!!!!

We got Uncle Vinnie and Aunt Lerlean, Mama Thorton, and Grandma to help watch the kids while I get my Dayquil and Scotch cocktails runnin' in my veins....WOOWOO

I hope ya'all are safe and happy and drink lots, but don't drive.

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to smile!
XX...Jolean

Bloody Sleddin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!!

Snow, snow snow.....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! We got like a foot of snow this past weekend, and I gotta tell ya, I think I'm ready to move to Florida!!!!!! And I think I left a coupla the kids outside last night, oh well, two less mouths to feed...ahahahhahahahahaaaa....I'm kiddin' ya'all, calm the heck down! heehee

Well, me and Lou did have a really fun day of filmin' on Saturday, so we gots a new video for every day this week, so stay tuned you crazy Joleaners!

Actually, it's still vacation, and I have to bundle up the kids and take them sleddin' and ice skatin'. I can see bruises, bloody noses, and broken bones already...and I'm talkin' about ME!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA.....a mother's work is never done, so I gotta make sure to pack the first aid kit, which now is a laundry basket full of band-aids and rags.

Well, I hope ya'all have a safe and Happy Day! and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Hilarious Holiday Gift Regiving - Jolean Does it!

Hootin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!
I gots a busy day, gotta go and hit them after Christmas sales with my girl Lulu! heeheehee....
Kids are at the grandparents, and we should be gettin' to town in time fer Happy Hour....WOOWOO!!!! Damn I wish we had a Hooters close by, I used to work that damn shirt when I work there!!!!!! ahahahahhahahahaaaaa
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!
XX...Jolean

Family Funnin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

WELL, I survived the Holidays with my sanity in tact!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAA(maniacal laugh)....okay, maybe not.

All the kids were happy with their presents, I don't know why my oldest son Tanner still wants vaseline and tissues in his stocking...aahahahhahahhaaa....

I managed to re-gift most of the shit we got last year, got a good buzz on, and didn't punch any of them drama queen sisters of Tex's...ahahahahhahahhahahaaaaaa

So, I hope ya'all survived the Holidays as well, more stories to come, gotta get my Calgon on today....

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to Smile!!!
XX...Jolean

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS YA'ALL!!!
HAVE A HAPPY DAY AND DON'T FERGET TO SMILE!!!
XX...JOLEAN

Fishin' and a Drinkin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, it's Christmas Eve day and I think 'Santa' is ready for some relaxin' and some cocktailin' after all this present wrappin'. Now I just gotta wait till tonight when 'Santa' stuffs the stockin's, and this little lady bettah get some stockin' stuffin' of her own, if tex don't pass out drunk before then...heehee

The kids are all out on the lake today doin' some ice fishin' and skatin' with their Uncle Vinnie. Meanwhile, in the warm house, me, Aunt Lerlean, my girl Lulu, Mama Thorton, and Jannie are gonna be gettin' our drink on....WOOWOO, well, I know they all don't drink a whole lot, but, I'm spikin' the eggnog, cuz them bitches need to have some fun! ahahahahhahahhahhaaaa

I hope ya'all have a safe and Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Shoppin' and mallin'...

Good Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, Holiday shoppin' was a bust! And I ain't talkin' bout my mountains of lovin'!!! ahahahahahhahaaa

Once I got the kids loaded into the station wagon(yes Virginia, they do still exist! heehee), we took off, goin' 15 mph cuz of the weather, well, apparently my ex Tex needed booze money again and siphoned out the gas!!! HOLY DUCK FARTS!!!!
So, pulled over in the storm, I got out in the snow, and a plow truck was comin' right in behind us clearing the roads. Well, I was wavin' at him to slow down, or stop, and that bastard didn't budge or slow at all!
Well, as that plow was gettin' closer and closer and I was wavin' lookin' like a possessed rag doll, six feet before he got to me, the plow lifted up, he drove past, and right after he passed the vehicle, the plow went back down....SLAM!!!! HE NEVER STOPPED!!!!

Well, my girl Lulu was there in 10 minutes, and we was off to the mall.
Tanner disappeared in the public restrooms, the twins, Hoho and Lolo, were raisin' hell at Claire's, tryin' to pierce little girls' ears(which was kinda funny), Carlos and Rolean were runnin' around tryin' to get anyone to adopt them sayin' they needed their green cards, Jolette and Tex jr. were pick-pocketing passerby's, Midge pissed in Santa's lap, and my baby TB just sat in his stroller with his bottle, much like his father!

So, after havin' to sweet talk mall security, runnin' into my old pimp, and a pigeon crappin' in my newly coiffed perm, it was a day I would like to forget, since it's like most Holiday shoppin' experiences...
Calgon, TAKE ME AWAY.....AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to smile...it could be worse...heehee
XX...Jolean

Organizin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!!

So we are re-arrangin' some things here at Team Jolean, and one of them is this blog is gonna start bein' just Monday through Friday from now on.

I will still get on and check and reply when I can cuz I love this outlet to communicate with ya'all!

Well, it's off to the Holiday Madness....if I survive, I'll write ya a little story about it tomorrow...heehee...crazy bastards!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

Kids and Holidayin'.....

Well, Happy Saturday Mornin' to Ya'all!!!

I have been away fer a coupla days cuz I been so damn busy!!!
Anyone who's got kids, especially 8 1/2 of them, knows how blessed, and beautiful this time of the year is, filled with wonder and love and......(SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!
Who the hell am I kiddin'????!!!

My oldest boy Tanner, locks himself up in his room(I've learned not to ask questions or surprise him in there!), the twins Hoho and Lolo are out terrorizing the neighborhood(let's just say The Shining girls ain't got nuthin' on them), my favorite Jolette and Tex jr. act like angels, until I find out they like to pull pranks(let's just say i've developed a taste for salt in my coffee), Rolean(who's half blackish and a fruitcup) and Carlos(half Hispanish), think they deserve more, so they are down at the Casino claiming they are Indians and tryin' to lay claim to the reservations gold, booze, and free cheese. (I guess I should been more honest with them when they was younger...heehee). And then there's Midge, my half girl, who I just dress up like and elf, put a candle in her hand, and leave her out on the lawn for a Christmas decoration...heehee...she loves that shit, scarin' the hell outta passerby's. And my baby TB, lets just say thank goodness he likes to pass out in his crib, kinda like his daddy...LOL

I hope ya'all are enjoyin' the Holidays with yer family and friends.
Have a Happy Day Ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

Birthdayin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, I hope everyone is havin' a good mornin' and stayin' warm.

Today is a special day for the special fruitcup in my life, my brother Chad's birthday....heehee

He has gotten so damn old so damn quick!!! It's hard to maintain yer good looks and youthfulness like one such as myself, you would think we weren't even related! LOL

Well, with that bein' said, we are gonna be goin' out fer lunch or some borin' shit like that....bring a book!!! LOL

Have a Happy Day Ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

Spittin' and Chicken Guttin'...

Good Happy Cold Mornin' to Ya'all!!!

How are ya'all survivin' this deep freeze??? I am becomin' a true Mainer gal, thats fer sure!!! But I guess that's how ya boys like us gals back here, rough, tough, and ready with our press'ons on...heehee

So, as ya'all know by now, my Uncle Vinnie made his debut on my news program yesterday, and talk about MAINERS!!!!! He and my Aunt Lerlean are definitely true DownEasters. There's nuthin' he likes better than sittin' on his front porch widdlin' away with his spittoon close by while she's in the kitchen de-featherin' and guttin' a chicken fer dinner and a cig hangin' outta her mouth....ahahahhaaaaaa.....God I love that woman! :)

So I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to Smile!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Quick Message....

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

Just wanted to send a special hello to ya'all and letcha know that I'll be back tomorrow with a full blog.
I got lots goin' on today, and if ya wanna share anything or talk, leave a comment and I'll check this later on today.

XX...Jolean

Rude and Walmartin'...

Happy Snowy Mornin' to Ya'all!!!

I am livin' the winter wonderland dream right now, well, now i gotta get my ass out there to shovel...actually I'll get the 'hired help' (my stalker jannie) to do it. I gotta say, that krazy kooter can clean!!! I just gotta keep the music turned up to drown out her mumbling and turrets attacks....DAMN!!! heeheeheee

Okay, so I was at the Walmarts the other day with my girl Lulu. I've got a tip fer ya'all. When shoppin' at Walmarts, DON'T!!! LMFAO!!!!!
I gotta tell ya, people are rude and Krazy!!! Right after I got my kart, some 'bitch' ran her kart into my heel! I turned around, cuz you know, I deal with stalkers and fans on a regular basis, well, she just look at me and smiled. I said OUCH! and then when she still didn't say anything, I said 'I accept yer apology and forgive yer rudeness. Have a Happy Day.' Then I smiled and walked away as a little crowd had gathered round, and now she feels uncomfortable...heehee
And then, we was in the meats section scopin' the pork, well, some 'bitch' came rushin' her kart and pushed it right into my girl Lulu's kart, well, I sat there as the 'bitch' freaked out and grabbed a meat package, and lookin' at Lulu liked she was some thief.
Now lemme tell you, we take our time shoppin', we ain't in no rush, and we expect to wait, but PEOPLE ARE FREAKIN' KRAZY!!!!
And of course, watchin' this, I was krackin' up, but I know Lulu weren't!
And the final thing at Walmarts, the checkout line! So, I've got my groceries up on the runner, and there are 2 people ahead of me, again, no big deal, cuz the kids aren't with me, and i'm takin' my time. So, the little old 'bitch' behind me, besides pinning me between my kart and hers, starts unloading her goodies up on the very full runner, well, SHE STARTS PUSHIN' ALL OUR SHIT FORWARD!!!!
I was like 'sweetie, that ain't gonna make any of us go faster, and I forgive yer rudeness. Have a Happy Day.' Then I smiled and turned around.
Again, when shoppin' at Walmarts, DON'T...AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.....cuz I just might be there to put ya'all in check!
(wink-wink)
So, I'm gonna keep this short cuz we gots a big day ahead of filmin', but i'll check back later.

Have a Happy Day ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

Storm Stalkin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

What a freakin' mornin'....
My ex Tex is gone away fer a while(unpaid parking tickets my ass!!!! that bastard don't even drive!!!!), and the kids are all gone to gramma Thorton's fer the weekend, so guess who gets stuck doin' all the damn chores???!!! That's right, and I'm talkin' bout choppin' wood fer this storm comin', pilin' that shit, and makin' sure everyone's damn underwear is clean, and that's just the start of it....HOLY DUCK FARTS!!!!

Thanks fer lettin' me vent ya'all! I've gotten so desperate, I invited my former stalker now weatherwoman Jannie to come and visit....hey, you got somebody obsessed with ya, ya might as well put them freaks to work, FOR YOU!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA

So, I've chosen the winner fer my recipe contest, and we'll film that tomorrow, Plus a bunch of other awesome goodies to film for ya'all to watch this week!

Soooooo, stay tuned, stay warm, have a Happy Day and don't ferget to smile ya'all! :)
XX...Jolean

Cold and whorin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Holy shiver me timbers!!!! We are now experiencin' an f'ing cold snap here. And I guess it's one of the longest and coldest ones so early in the season in many many years. All I gotta say is praise the salt water beast that they haven't cancelled school!!! Them little bastards ain't hangin' out with me here...ahahahhahahahahahahaaaaaa and don't worry ya'all, I bundle them up as much as I can, before I send them all out in the cold.

And my girls ain't no stupid prissies either, they ain't wearin' no skirts and tryin' to show off their money shots like their whore friends! I raised them to be smart, although I questioned their morals sometimes, at least they ain't out on the corner waitin' fer the MAN to pick them up to turn a trick, well, actually, that's exactly what the hell they are doin' goin' off to school...ahahhahahahahhhahahaaaaa

Well, it's time to fill the fires, and turn on my stories fer the day, and my coffee should be done too....heehee

Stay warm and have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't forget to smile! :)
XX...Jolean

Alien Probin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, it's another day in this chilly winter wonderland.

So, I was havin' some weird dreams last night.
There was some strange figures creepin' around in my room, then I felt tingly all over, then I saw some big owl eyes, then it gets kinda hazy, but I remember hearing clinking sounds, and some strange martian language, cold hands, probes bein' stuck in holes, then wakin' up feelin' a little numb, AND WITH BLOOD ON MY ASS!!!
HOLY CRAP!!! I was abducted by aliens, again!!!!!! DAMMMIT!!!!!!! Why can't they leave me the hell alone???!!! I've been poked and prodded more times than a 12 year old hooker in a Chinese Crack House on Labor Day Weekend!!!!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

That's it! I need to make sure I stay awake so I can give them damn slimy critter holes a piece of my mind!!! I've already got my tinfoil hat on, and I'm startin' to clank rocks together around my house in an ancient Guatamalan dance known to contact the 'out world bein's...

I ain't goin' krazy, I ain't goin' krazy, I ain't goin' crazy....heeeeheeeeheeeeeheeee

Have a Happy Day Ya'all!
XX...Jolean

Peein' and a Bigfootin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Wooo hooo, well we didn't get as much snow this storm as I was plannin' on...but, it was nice to get a dustin'.

So, I got up early this mornin' went outside and guess what the hell I saw, SASQUABOTCH FOOTPRINTS!!!!! HE'S RETURNED!!!! So I looked up online what to do, and animals got to mark their territory, soooooo, I hiked up my housecoat and started squirtin' all around the house, my poor slippers....and we'll just leave it at that....heehee (not to mention the nosy neighbor in the window with binoculears!!! gotta love them pervs)

Of course, once I did that, some damn random dogs started comin' around sniffin', and then my cat started goin' crazy inside the house, I felt like I was stuck in a snow globe for Wild Animal Planet....AHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

Well, I gotta pick a winner fer my recipe contest this week so stay tuned. I'll be puttin' up 4 new segments, and should have the recipe winner video up this weekend, so thank ya'all fer the recipe ideas, and I'm glad I gotta choose the recipe outta a hat cuz they all sound and look soooooooooo yummy. But, if you haven't entered a recipe yet, you got till tomorrow....

I hope ya'all are stayin' warm and have a Happy Day!!!
XX...Jolean

Mornin' stormin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, the storm has started, and I gots the wood stoves are burnin'...it is quite beautiful and chilly out.
It's time fer some Dayquil and Scotch cocktails, watchin' my stories on the tv, cleanin' out the gunk between my toes, perhaps give shave my back(I gets the weirdest monkey patch back there), then off to .....oh shit!!! Brother Chad just showed up, looks like we're gonna be filmin' today, DAMMIT!!! well then he can shave my back...heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, Stay Warm and don't forget to smile! :)
XX...Jolean

Gay Snowman and Ballin'...

Good Great Mornin' to Ya'all!!!

Woo, lemme tell ya, when they say the temperature's gonna drop, they wasn't kiddin'!!!! Sometimes you hope them weather people are playin' a joke, I guess I gotta stop listenin' to Jannie on my News segment....LOL

But, we are gettin' the calm before the storm right now here in Maine...we're gonna git hit tomorrow mornin' with SNOW SNOW SNOW....WOOWOO!!! Cuz I'll tell ya, I'm okay with the cold weather, although I gotta double up on them bras, but when we get the snow, that makes it all worth it...sledding, snowballs, well snowball fights..heehee, makin' gay snowmen, which is a snow man with some jewelry and a flashy scarf and fancy hat...heehee

Today, I gotsta spend some time in the kitchen teachin' a coupla my girls how to cook biscuits, should be fun, cuz I don't let me kids have cell phones, or tic tac tablets, or touch pods or any of that shit, we always have fun the proper way, spendin' time in the woods, although they always like to get me confused and lost, and cookin' and crafts....
...and I know ya'all are gonna ask, but they don't go on camera because they aren't of age yet, and I don't want them to fall into the perils or success of the showbusiness, and then be let down, it's hard on a starlet like me to maintain her popularity and good looks after 25...(winkwink)
So after they turn 18, or get outta the nut house or get outta jail, or turn over their convictions, whatever, then they can make the decision to be on camera, as long as them bastards ain't stealin' it from me again....heehee

So, I hope ya'all are stayin' warm and have a Happy Day! Don't ferget to smile! :)
XX...Jolean

Coonin' and a Stormin'....

Good Saturday Mornin' to Ya'all!!!

Wooo, it was cold this mornin' when I got up. The kids room was like a morgue, cuz they wuz all bundled up underneath the covers!!!! ahahahahhahahaaaaa.....let's just say I put a double pot of Joe on and grabbed my heavy sweater and loaded them stoves up! :)

Now, I also know we are gettin' a big storm startin' tomorrow. Now, what I've done is bailed my ex tex outta jail, again, so he can start cuttin' more wood, I got a tent set up outside of the school so the kids can spend the night there and not miss school because of the storm...heeehee...and all I had to do was shop fer some candles in case the power goes out...WOOO!!!! It's tough havin' a family and preppin' fer a storm out here in the Maine wilderness, but I think I got this down...LOL

And as long as them damn critters don't try and burrow on up in my house....I gotta tell ya, when I went to reach fer a sweater on the top shelf in the closet and grabbed a damn raccoon!!!! That little bastard was screechin', I was a screamin', and then something got sprayed and it stunk up in there and then I passed out! Was it him, was it me? I guess we'll never know...heehee
But if that keeps up, the kids are all gettin' Davy Crockett Coon Skin Hats fer Christmas, and that's fer damn sure!!!! LOL

Have a Happy Day Ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

Quick mornin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

I hope everything is goin' delightful fer you this Holiday season! :)

I'm keepin' it short and sweet today cuz I gots lots goin' on, but I'm gonna share my latest Morning News Segment with you. And don't ferget, I'm still doin' challenge videos, so if you got any recommendations, then send them on over...heehee
...and I'm still takin' entries fer my recipe contest, and also, if you wanna just send a craft or recipe fer me to try on my show, I'll do that as well...

Have a Happy Day Ya'all!!!
XX...Jolean

well, i'll be sendin' the link, cuz it won't let me post a video...bastards!!! lol

http://youtu.be/0nNw--APbnM

Current Events and Laughin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!!

It's Thursday, another nail on the coffin of Christmas!!!! LOL

Oooh, this gal is dog tired from filmin' yesterday, I barely had enough energy to wipe my own butt this mornin'!!!! heehee

You know, I try not to keep up on current events, like watchin' or readin' the news, it's awfully depressin'! But I've been tryin' to keep myself abreast(well I got 2 of em' heehee) cuz I got my News Program to film, and I need shit to talk about. Well, if it ain't someone dyin' then it's someone killin'....so freakin' sad...
Take for instance, Paul Walker, now, I just saw on CNN of all places, you can go through his car wreck step-by-step, like you are right there!!!!!!! Excuse my crassness this mornin', BUT WHAT THE DUCK FARTS???!! That is stupid, and I do rant more about it in my new News segment, which will be public later on today.
That's why I do comedy ya'all, we all need to laugh at stupid shit, at ourselves, just the ridiculousness of life in general, and not that we shouldn't take life serious, we should, with enough mood stabilizers...LOL

Anyhoo, on that note, don't forget to laugh today, or even smile, cuz you never know who's life yer gonna change fer the better!

XX...Jolean

A Harley and a Hoggin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

So, we are gonna be filmin' all day today, and gonna have a few new videos posted soon...WOOWOO!!!

I just wanna put it out there with ya'all, if you have any ideas ie: for Holiday crafts, Holiday recipes, then go ahead and share them on here with me so I got some new ideas for videos, well, I got plenty of ideas, but I would like to have yer involvement, and not in no sexual way either, unless yer 6'5, hairy chest, handsome, and ride a hog, and I ain't talkin' no farm animals either, although I have over looked that in the past....this time I'm talkin' a Harley Bitches!!!!! LOL

Anyhoo, stay warm ya'all, and have a Happy Day!!!

Ooooh, and don't forget I'm doin' a recipe contest, so share those recipes with me, and you might get a gift box....heehee!!! and I ain't talkin' bout my cooter on a platter either....heehee, although I use to charge fer that kinda thing in Tijuana!

XX...Jolean

Ice Fishin'...

Happy Tuesday Mornin' Ya'all!!!!

Wowzers!!! There is a heavy mist out on that lake this mornin', and I can't believe people are already ice fishin'....oooooh, it's scares me to watch them, but I gots my binoculaongaer thingys, and I'm a man huntin'!!!!!! ahahahhahahahahhaaaaa.....
Maybe I should mozy on out there with my new nipple warmers, just to get their opinion of course...heehee

So yeah, everything is meltin' and wet... hmmmmm

And it's gonna be another crazy week of filmin' and funnin', cuz we have got to reach that 1,000,000 view mark on youtube, we are halfway there, and I a gonna hit that goal by the end of the month...WOOWOO...if I survive the Holidays that is...LMAO!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't forget to smile....
XX...Jolean

Snow stuffin'...

Good Monday Mornin' Ya'all!!! Well, after a crazy busy weekend, I wake up to a Winter Wonderland! Snow? Oh that's right, and it's already December????!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Okay, now that the shock has passed, I gotta figure some stuff out, thank goodness, number one, that school wasn't cancelled!!! heehee...kids are gone so I can pack up the little one and go fer a snowy walk...and enjoy what mother nature has to offer, PIMA!!!! LOL!!!!! Well, I guess I'm thankful that, number 2(and no poo you pervs...heehee), I gots my warm home and a beautiful view of the lake, or skatin' rink now....heeheehee.... Well, I hope ya'all take the time to breathe in this beautiful day and remember to be thankful and be nice to people. Have a Happy Day!!! XX...Jolean