Cold Sunnin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

Hope yer havin' a super awesome week so far! It is colder than a witch's tittie here, below zero!!!! And why am I still here not learnin' my lesson????!!!! I need the sun, and beaches, and sum hot stud servin' me COCKtails!!!!!!! ahahahahahahhahaahhahaaaa

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Xmas Cleanin'....

Hey Ya'all!!!

Christmas over, messes cleaned up, now just waitin' fer my champagne New Year, or wine, or tub full of scotch!!!! heehee
Now let's see if I can get them damn kids to get the christmas lights down before summer, or we're gonna have to have another Christmas in July party, minus the dried out 7 month old christmas tree...heehee, that bitch is fer the bonfire!!!!!! ahahhahahahahaa

Have a Happy Day and dont ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Stick Handlin'...

Hey ya'all!!!

Day after the Christmas, and the kids are still moppin' up the floors!!!! heehee
Let's just say I tried ti surprise them all with a bubble party, AND SHIT GOT REAL!!!!! LMAO
Everyone had fun, especially Old Man Tillman in his wheelchair, well, the kids had fun with him, he's still in ICU...no charges were pressed...heehee...he's a horny bastard!!!! Let's just say he was grabbin' for the wrong remote control stick for his chair!!!!!!!!!! ahahhahahahahahahhahaaaa

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Holiday Whorin'....

Hey ya'all!

Busy ass day here with the Holidays and work!!!! How many people don't cook for Christmas Eve and order out??? A FREAKIN' LOT OF THEM!!!! LOL
I was makin' pizzas like a drunken hooker in Tiajuana when the sailors are in town, and I ain't even talkin' bout the donkey show!!! ahahahhahahhahahhahahahaa

I hope ya'all have a safe and Happy Evenin' and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Prankin'....

Hey ya'all!!!!

Okay, funny story fer ya!
Sooo, I'm at work today, i cook and cashier at the local store, and I'm workin' with my manager who's an even bigger jokester than this lil' lady, and an even bigger flirt...heeee
Anyhoo, i'm slicin' up green peppers, then get a rush of customers.
Well. I go back to my green peppers bout a half hour later, and I had one sliced in half waitin' fer me. I got to start cuttin' it up when I notice something black inside of it, figurin' it was just startin' to rot from the inside or sumthin'. Than I cut it, and thought it was large ra poops, then I pick it up and look inside noticin' slice black olives inside....TOTALLY CONFUSED AND AMAMZED, I started yellin' to my manager, 'you gotta look at this, I can't believe it!!!!! What the fuck???!!! So I pick it up and start walkin' over to himsayin' 'how do sliced balck olives grow inside of a green pepper???!!!'
After realization hits me as I say it, feelin' completely stupid!!!!!!
he was laughin' his ass off cuz he put them in there amongst all the busy!!!!
SON OF A BITCH!!!! I threw that fucker at him and told that little elf bastard to go fuck himself, as I'm laughin' my ass off as well!
I haven't been gotten that good in a long time, my kids try and try, but he did it!!!!
A TOTAL BLONDE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
(wait till I get revenge, OR, play that same prank on someone else, although I'm sure it's already the talk of the town in this litl' ol' 600 person one horse town...SOB)
XXX...Jolean :)

Holiday Shoppin'....

Happy Freakin' Holidays Ya'all!!!!!

I am proud to say I've almost, ALMOST, completed my Christmas shoppin', and boy what a pain in the ass it can be, once again, dealin' with the public out in them stores!!!! All the dirty, sweaty, hackin' and gackin', and childrens screamin'....SON OF A BITCH!!!!
But I meddled through and survived!!!!!
Now I'm ready fer my Calgon bath and liquor!!!!1 aahahahahhahahhahahahaaa

I hope ya'all are havin' a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!1 :)
XXX...Jolean

Slushin'...

Happy Monday Ya'all!!!!!!

Woooooweeee, is it a wet one up in here, and I don't mean my soiled undies! heehee We got some snow last night, and it's been a rainin' here all day long, and I had to drive out in that shit! Slushy Sally over here....ahahhahahaaaa
It's nice though, I actually started some Christmas shopping....EEEEK!!!
I had to go out while the brats were in school, and man oh man, is it startin' to feel a lot like Christmas, a wet horny one, but still....lol

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Warmin'...

Hey ya'all!

Happy Rootin' Tootin' Thursday!!!! WOOOWOOO!!!!
Oh my goodness is the weather finally startin' to catch up with itself! SON OF A BITCH it's cold outside. No more lockin' the children's outta the house fer some privacy, no more mowin' my yard in a g-string and topless, no more, WELL HELL, let's see what I got to look forward TO!!!!
Cozy warm nights nuzzled up in my comforter watchin' 'Titanic' with my vibrator, wearing big sweaters and not givin' a crap bout what I eat cuz it's hidden, although my boobies usually outweigh anything other parts on my body...heehee.
AND, I get to look forward to sleddin', one of the most fun and dangerous activities me and my kids love doin', and I can't wait to see how my new alien baby, JoAlien handles the snow. He's a frisky lil' bastard....heehee

Have a Happy and Warm Day ya'all, and dont' ferget to smile!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

RELAXIN'....

Hey ya'all!
Yes, I am still alive and kickin'...lol.
Oh my achin' boobs lemme tell ya, with the weather a changin', the kids gettin' all agro, and with the holidays comin' up, this gal needs some RELAXATION!!!!!!
So, I locked myself in the bathroom, filled up that tub, lit some candles, put on a Dolly cd, and SON OF A BITCH!!!!, did I do some relaxin'!!!! I was feelin' sooooooo relaxed, I was makin' fart bubbles in the tub...heeheeeheeee.
OH, did I mention I filled the tub with scotch???!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA It was fun, til I blacked out and nearly drowned, but what a way to go...heeheeheeeeee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Bikini Freezin'...

Hey ya'all!!!!

Woooweee!!!! Have we been gettin' some rain and funky ass weather here in Maine! One day it's freezin' temps, the next i'm paradin' around the yard in my bikini....lol...actually, the weather ain't got nuthin' to do with that, just enough scotch and dayquill....ahhhaahahahahahahahaaa
But at least we got some filmin' done yesterday, and i'll start postin' those tonight, after chad finishes editing them, dammit, you would think he ain't got nuthin' better to do!!!! ahahahahahahahhaaa

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

I'm Baaaaaack!!!!!!

Hey ya'all!!!

I'M BAAAACK!!!!!!!
What a crazy past coupla weeks. Between startin' a new full time job, goin' back to school, and my computer gettin' a freakin' virus(not wearin' a condom...heehee), I'm back with a new computer....WOOOWOOO!!!!!
I know we ain't had much fer vids this month, but we are filmin' some new Halloween episodes this week, so be prepared to be overloaded with Jolean Does it!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gettin' my family and friends, and all their antics geared up for some more hilarious episodes, so pray fer me ya'all....ahahhahahahahhahaaa

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!
XXX...Jolean

Halloweenin' and Filmin'....

Mornin' all ya lil' spookies!!!

Get ready, cuz we are FINALLY FINALLY filming some BRAND NEW HALLOWEEN EPISODES TODAY!!!! YAY!!! My camera man Lou is pickin' my tired ass up here shortly so we can get some ghosts, witches, aliens, and a few other surprises on film fer ya'all to enjoy fer the season. They should be up startin' on Monday, and then hopefully a new Halloween vid every day fer the rest of the month!!!
There techi stuff over...
I am feelin' hot and horny, so thank goodness i'm gettin' some kinda action today, even if it is just runnin' away and dealin' with psycho killers and little green men....heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Tirin'...

Hey ya'all...

Well, it's been a busy week for this buxom gal, and am I all tuckered out!!!! I feel more worn out than two-legged man in a butt kickin' contest...heehee
But all in all, it's been productive and busy, not that my damn kids or drunken ex appreciate that. As long as they got food on the table (thanks Kraft! ;) and clean underwear, well, I'm happier when they got clean undies, then they don't care bout much else from me, bastards! LOL

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean

Hurtin'....

Hay ya'all!

It's Tuesday, and I didn't post earlier cuz of my NEW WORK SCHEDULE!!!! WOOWOO!!! My hams are sore!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! But well worth it to be out talkin' to folks and makin' my own money dammit!!! And more time away from the kids too, heehee. I love them, but they are a pain in the ass!
So, I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XXX...Jolean

Workin'...

Good afternoon or evenin' ya'all...

WOOOOOOWEEEEEEE...... I woulda posted a blog earlier, but I got some news, I GOT A DAMN JOB!!!! WTF???!!! LMAO
This gal is a workin' gal again, and there ain't no goin' back, not like that time that that damn midget clown at the circus gave me the HERP!!!!!
This time, I'm still doin' the wrong things, but the right way, this time, I promise.
Okay, so maybe I put in some overtime on top of that damn crouton box in the walk-in fridge, but I got my tips, so Mama's happy...heehee

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Crazin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

TGIF!!! And lemme tell ya, I thought it was Sunday, plus I got my Tuesday panties on, CONFUSIN'!!!! LOL
It has been one of them crazy weeks ya'all, filled with mystery, romance, murder, and uh, wait, that's 'Days of our Lives', sorry...heehee
It's funny cuz I don't even need to really watch my stories, not with my 8 1/2 kids, my drunken ex, and a family full of crazies, and I am CRAZY #1!!! AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAA

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Crazin'...

Happy Thursday ya'all!

Well, it's funny how things change, changes, all for the better all, for the gooder of humanity. :) In this crazy world, with our crazy lives, and crazy people. As much as i've been told i'm crazy, well, crazy is the new norm...lol
I kinda feel like an alien, not the 'runnin' across the border kind', but the 'I belong on a different planet' kind...heehee

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XXX...Jolean

Artist Jokin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

It's Joke of the Day!!!!

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What do you call and artist with a brown finger???
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Piccassole!!!
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AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Drinkin' and Fallin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Tuesday, it's breezy, wet, leaves are full colors right now, and fallin' to the ground, like love gone sour...heehee....it actually smells amazing' ya'all, specially when ya got a homemade apple pie in the oven, kids are at school, and my stories are on the boobietoobie....heehee
now all i need is to fill my damn liquor cabinet....SON OF A BITCH!!! My ex tex was home and he and his buddies drank all my wine, my scotch, my rum, them bastards!!!! And that was just in one night!!!!
Well, thank goodness i'm gettin' to the city next week, time to stalk, uh, I mean stock up....heeeheee ;)

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Monday, Mondayin'...

Happy Monday Mornin' to ya'all!!! :)

Well, with kids back in school, Halloween right around the corner, and that weird patch of back hair finally waxed off, this gal is ready to roll....okay, now what...AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
It seems like one thing after another, but in a good way, like when the sailors are in town...heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XXX...Jolean

mornin' ya'all.....

hittin'.....snoooze.....button.....again.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Joke of the Hump Day...

Happy Hump Day ya'all!!! :)

It's Joke of the Day time....woowoo!!!!

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What kind of bees make milk?

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Boobies!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!!

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Odor Eatin'...

Happy Tuesday Ya'all!

Well, fall is officially here, I will say it and accept it and move the F on!!! LOL It's what I gets fer jumpin' into Halloween in September, but now I can really bask in the aroma of it, wait, I think my ex Tex just farted....AWWWW HELL!!!! Now I'm feelin' the vapors and I think I'm gonna pass out, that filthy son of a bitch!
Diggin' out my wool sweaters, wait no, rats have been nestin' in my underwear drawer....DAMMIT!!!
It looks to be one of them days....ugg!

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE! :) ...even through the odors tearin' up my sinuses!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Wilderness Sexin'...

Happy Monday Ya'all!!!

I swear, this weather is takin' it's toll on everyone back here, freezing weather at night, then yesterday I was runnin' around naked up at the river, well, just my top off so the 'ladies' could breath and clap...heehee Then I was attacked, well drunk and couldn't say no or fight him off(and actually maybe I attacked him/it), by a saskabotch!!!! Well, maybe he was just a REALLY hairy mountain man, anyhoo, he couldn't speak a lick of, wait lick horny....lmao, of english, and I was bent over a mossy tree stump, with my skirts damp from the river, and throwin' up a lil' in my mouth cuz he was very 'anxious', and well, ya'all can let yer imagination run wild, cuz I kinda blacked out, and let's hope i ain't pregnant with a baby saskabotch!!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
Now it's windy and whippin' like a son of a bitch!!!! Like true New England Fall Fashion....F THAT!!!!! LMFAO

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Chillin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Freezin' temps!!! REALLY???!!!! I am not ready fer a repeat of last winter so damn early!!! I've already got myself wrapped in a quilt, AT THE BEACH!!!! It's so damn confusin' ya'all, just like the shower room at prison...heehee
That's okay, I've got an escape plan, Calgon and Wine!!!! ahahhahahahahahahaaa....that's just gotta get me through the winter, it's just gotta! Steamy baths and alcohol, that's the name of my new book!!!! LMAO

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, stay warm, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Saskabotchin'...

HAPPY HUMP DAY YA'ALL!!!

It's a gorgeous day! The kids are at school and this lil' gal is goin' fer a hike in the wilderness!!!! I'm hopin' that a saskabotch is gonna take me away in the woods! The aliens ain't takin' me yet, or maybe they have cuz my ass is sore, WAIT, that might've been my ex Tex since he's fresh outta prison, and that's all he knows...AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA
I need some real luvin' and action, when I'm AWAKE!!!! LMAO

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Joke of the Day!

Happy Tuesday Ya'all!!!

Oki doki, here's a lil' joke fer ya.... ;)

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How do trees access the internet?
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They LOG in!!!!
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AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Schoolin'...

Hey ya'all!

Well, I ain't got much to say, cept that this gal is goin' back to school!!!! WOOWOO....signin' up fer online schoolin' is a pain the ass, so we'll see how it all works out! :) I need to be furtherin' my education so I can make me some monies and know big words like Kazam!!!! ahahahahahaa
I can barely help the kids with their homework, so I figure if i'm busy with my own classes, then they can leave me the hell alone! LMAO

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Weatherin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

I just mowed the damn lawn, and then we got showers, and guess what now???!!! Leaves on the lawn, ALREADY!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!
I know it's September and all, but geez, this cold weather ain't what it used to be when I was a wee lil' girl when I used to be able to snuggle up to my honey durin' a bonfire drinkin' and havin' a good ol' time cuz I was warm, in OCTOBER!!!! LMAO
Now there's creaks and moans from my body and I'm ready to just suit up in my thermols!!! SCREW THE COLD, especially after such a horrendous winter last year, and at my age! Bastard cold fronts and all that other crap goin' on in the world.
I think I need to go back to Florida or some other tropical location fer the winter and get this snow bird shit under way....ahahahhahahahaaa

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Flower Gardenin'....

Hey ya'all!

Ooooh boy, it is rainin' like a leaky diaper over here in Maine! It is beautiful and much needed, like a shot of whiskey! heehee
I am so blessed with a late season flower garden. I am the kinda gal who just throws shit in the ground and waits to see what happens, cuz I love surprises!!!!! heehee I've got some beautiful Bachelor Buttons, Lillies, Cosmos, some other alien things I don't know what the hell they are(must've been that UFO and box of wine...ahhahahahaa), and of course my basil which has been strugglin' all summer is now perky like my boobs were when I was, well they're still perky....(wink-wink)

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Blonde Joke of the Day!

Mornin' Ya'all!

Happy HUMP Day everyone!!!!
It's JOKE OF THE DAY time....woowoo

Two blondes walk into a building...
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...you'd think one of them would have seen it!!!!!
AHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Cleanin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, it's another one of them autumn days, in September!!! LOL Son of a Bitch!!!
It's alright, I got enough spice in my tea, and if that don't hold me warm, then it's a swig of cough syrup and whiskey...heehee
I got lots to do, spring cleanin' on the other end, fall cleanin'...and wouldn't you know, the school had a problem with me bein' honest and wantin' to keep the kids home to help out, screw that! Tryin' to get them to do anything after school is hard enough, so I gotta go it alone. Got my maids uniform on(tight as can be, but my cleavage looks amazin'!!!! lol), rubber gloves(who knows why the hell they are stickin' together and discolored), and my Dolly Parton music playin' on high...mmmmmm, high (sigh), how I miss the good ol' days...heehee

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Halloweenin'...

Hey ya'all!!!

Happy Monday!!! Oooooooh, fall is already here, my bones are already achin' and creakin' with that damn chilly weather, of course, it's also a sign of HALLOWEEN!!!!!!! WOOOOWOOOOO!!!!!
I tell ya, I rattled pots and pans, and fired off a gun, to get the kids up yesterday! They was so scared and confused and cussin', actin' like I got'm up fer church or sumthin'...ahahhahahahahhahahahaaa......
But no, this sweet mama had cocoa and brandy ready fer a day of Halloween house decoratin'!!!!!
Oh what a blast we had, from what I can remember...lol. And this year, I ain't puttin' any decorations out on the lawn, cuz last year, everyone who I stole decorations from, must've stolen them bitches back....SON OF A BITCH!!!
Anyhoo, I hope ya'all enjoy the leaves turnin' color(see, I'm no racist...heehee), the chilly nights with warm(alcoholic) drinks, and snugglin' up with, well, I need to find someone/something to do that with, but until then, HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN SEASON YA'ALL!!!!
and, yes, we will definitely have some new Halloween vids fer ya comin' in October!!!!!!

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Fridayin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

IS IT FRIDAY ALREADY???!!! Holy crappers!!!
Well, I'll just post this lil' biddy cuz I gots a busy day and weekend and will be back on this damn blog on Monday fer ya'all!
So go pack that in a pipe and smoke it....ahahahahhahahahahahahah

Have a Happy Fabulous Weekend and don't ferget to SMILE, AND SHARE THE SMILES WITH OTHERS! :)
XXX...Jolean

Family Doctorin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Wooweeeee!!!! Is it a hot one out thar today!!!
Just finished takin' Ma Thorton to the doctors in the city (any town with a population over 5,000 is a city to me back here in Maine...ahahahahahhahahahhaaa), a follow up to her surgery, and everything seems normal, of course, I keep tellin' her to tell the doctor's to check her head...heehee She always just gives me that sideways glance of hers, and reminds me that i'm her offspring and shit runs in the family!
HA!

Anyhoo, I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Sexy Jokin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Just wanted to share a lil' ol' joke with ya!
...and it's a gross one, heeeheee

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?
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Where you put the cucumber!!!

AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA, and see, I told ya it was gross...heehee
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Bitchin'...

Hey ya'all!

Well, here I am, still alive! Yes, I wake up in the mornin's and am so blessed to be awake, alive, breathin' and snap cracklin' and poppin' as I do it...heehee
Oh, the joys of sharin' laughs with ya'all here on the internets, too bad we keep gettin' wanked over by different video sharin' sites, SOOOOOOOOO, WITH THAT BEIN' SAID....
I think we are in the midst of gettin' our very own personalized web site! Has anyone out there done this? And done it for free? Cuz I know it usually costs money, and we are researchin' and may have found one that does it fer free, so we will keep ya'all posted, and please give me any feedback ya'all have cuz we need the help!!! LMAO
All I wanna do is make people laugh with my ridiculous stories, and I don't want no one to be able to have control over that but me dammit!!!!! Okay, enough bitchin'...how's bout a joke...
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What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
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HAIRBALLS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Flip-Flop Mowin'....

Hey ya'all!!!

Well, the kids are still gone fer a few weeks at camp, CAMP LITTLE BASTARDS!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
With that bein' said, I'm stuck doin' the yard work.
So, I borrowed my friend Lulu's lawn mower since mine broke. Well, it's a push mower, but i didn't realize what kind of push mower, it's like super charged.
I got it started, and went to push the level for the blade, well there is another damn lever on there that's powers it to go!!! Not realizin' this, I pushed both levers and off the damn mower went with my upper body, I slipped, hit my damn head on the handle bar, my rhinestone flip-flop went flyin', and the mower ran it over, spewin' rhinestones and foam all over the yard, with me cryin', not because I was bleedin', cuz the damn mower ate my favorite flip-flops!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean :)

Picturin'....

Hey ya'all!

Hump Day Blog Day....WOOWOOO!!!!
And have I got a treat fer ya'all. Well, I was cleanin' out the other day, of course findin' crusty sheets AND crusty underwear in the boys' room, food wrappers, pizza boxes, and home test pregnancy kits in the girls' rooms, liquor bottles in the baby's room, and some ol' pics in the closet...surprise surprise, tex is in one of them, heehee....
...and so is my girl Antoinette. This was from a visit a few years back, five I think, yeah, cuz it was the first season of filmin' JDi!, so enjoy those drunk bitches in these coupla pics, and with yers truly of course...heehee

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Soap Fartin'...

Hey ya'all!

Well, it's just one of them days, it's hot and I'm horny, but of course, my ex Tex is still, again, back in the slammer. He sure is racking up the ol' punches in the, uh, his dance card I guess we'll call it. Here I am worried bout that damn toothless stripper from the Rusty Box, and he's prolly droppin' his soap in the prison shower too many times to count! No wonder he's always fartin' like the damn flood gates broke open on the city!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAAA
Maybe I need to look up my ol' cell mate, Big Martha, fer some soap droppin'...heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Meat Eatin'....

Hey ya'all!!!

WOW, it sure is beautiful weather right now here in Maine, and I am fixin' to get my butt outside and into some kind of body of water!!! I mean I'm sweatin' like a stuffed pig, and that ain't good when yer wearin' granny panties, and they become a thong in yer butt crack!!! ahahhahahahhahahaaaa
We are gettin' the summer weather that we shoulda had ALLLLL summer, but whatevs ya'all, I'll take what I can get, just like that summer I spent down in Tijuana...of course, I now don't have to suffer food poisonin' from meat bein' sold off the street corner by some gringo with sores all over his hands...heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Joke of the Day LOL...

Hey ya'all!!!!

Okay, it's the joke of the day, so hang on to yer bonnet strings and don't get yer panties in a bunch....heehee

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane?
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A pilot, you racist!!!

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Schoolin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, here we go with another beautiful day here in Maine, after a crazy cold spell, I am ready to go back to FLORIDA!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAAAA....Son of a Bitch!
But one thing is great, kids are finally goin' back to school, yup, that's right! I get my days back....woowoo!!!
Of course, I remember when I was a little girl, we never went back to school until after Labor Day, of course, lots of us girls needed that longer summer so we could get our bodies back into shape fer school after havin' babies....heehee

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Dirty Husbandsin'....

Mornin' ya'all!!!!

Geez, it's seems like as of late, i ain't been able to post a blog until like midnight!!! LOL My girl Lulu has been gettin' my ass up early in the mornin' to help her move shit, cuz our kids and husbands/ex's suck filthy cornholes!!! ahahahhahahhaaaa...so make sure ya check'm out, not our dirty men, the blogs, PERVS!!!!! heehee
And everyone please say a prayer fer Ma Thorton, she's in the hospital today havin' a lil' surgery, don't worry I'm sure she'll be fine, prolly will even score a date before she leaves...heeehee

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Sexy and Excitin'...

Hey ya'all!!!

Just got a video up on one of the new sites for our ever-growin' and expandin' (yeah, like adult diapers...heehee) Jolean Empire...
Make sure to check it out, and stay tuned fer more excitin' and fun and sexy and KRAZY videos to be posted on here and re-visiting some of our library videos with re-edits and updates!!!! Of course, just cuz I may have had a burnin' rash in an old video don't mean I still got it!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA....but ya have to dig like a furry badger to find out...heehee

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean
hopefully one of these will work...lol...till i figure it out, THANK YOU FER ALL THE SUPPORT AND LOVE EVERYONE!!!!
Keep on keepin' on....

http://www.veoh.com/watch/v76437792J2QHrjEj

Blondin'...

Hey ya'all!!!

It's time for the Late Night 'Joke of the Day'....


A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
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The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA....true story!

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Positive Bein'....

Hey Ya'all!!!

I hope everyone is havin' a most fabulous weekend!!!
I just wanted to send a note to ya'all and let ya know I'm doin' well, not drunk, not gettin' laid, so maybe not so well...ahahhahahahhahahahahhaha.
Anyhoo, I got stuff goin' on with youtube, and hopefully it'll all be corrected soon, it's playin' the waitin' game right now. Lord knows I haven't done that enough with my ex husband and 8 1/2 kids, and the such....heehee
Stay tuned and get a hold of me on here for now, or at joleandoesit@gmail.com

Stay Happy, keep positive, and continue movin' forward ya'all....life is too short, so don't waste it!!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Robin Williams...

Hey ya'all...

How's everyone's summer goin' anyhoo???? Mine has been AAAALLLLLLL screwy, with movin', kids, my ex, and crazy family, I don't know if anyone would ever put me in a nut house, cuz I'm livin' it!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
And it is also a sad day to here of the passing of a true idol, Robin Williams. Words can't describe the sadness, but, I believe he is in a much better place, and not sufferin' here no more. He is such a comedic inspiration, to me, and countless others out there. Rest in Peace....

Have a Happy Day, and don't forget to SMILE ya'all, cuz life is short, soooo, ENJOY THE HELL OUTTA IT!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Hangin'...(heehee)

Hey ya'all...
Just wanted to let ya know I ain't dead or hung myself in the deep freezer, son of a bitch!!!!! Been havin' internets troubles and the such, ya know, when ya live in a small town in the mountains, don't expect miracles when it comes to be a famous internets star....heeheee
I'll try and keep ya'all updated from time to time this week, and we are tryin' to get new vids up too, stay hang in there with us, by the way, how's it hangin' stud???? You know who I'm talkin' to....heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Flashlightin'....

Hey ya'all!!!!!

Okay, here's the joke of the week!!!!

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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

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AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAAAAAAA!!!
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Thuggin'...

Hey ya'all!!!!

Well, lemme tell ya, me and my girl Lulu was at Rite-Aid the other day. And when I go out, especially runnin' errands, I wear a big ol' hat and big sunglasses, it's just my damn thing!!!! ...especially on those side-effects days(hangovers)....heehee
Anyhoo, we was lookin' at aspirins and shit like that when this lady comes on over and asks me to remove my hat and sunglasses!!! WELL, I guess they got this policy now, maybe cuz they been ripped off so much?, that when you enter their stores, ya gotta remove things like that, cuz ya look like a thug and may hold up the store!!!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!! Do I look like a thug? a criminal? a hoodlum??? Bitch please!!!!
Well, as she was sayin' this shit to me and repeatin' it, I'm just lookin' at her like, Bitch you are mental! HA! Lulu is next to me just laughin' her ass off in disbelief. I just kept sayin', oh yeah that's nice, I ain't takin' my hat and sunglasses off, I put them on for a reason! PLUS, if I wanted to rob a joint, I would want them to see me, I want the world to know that shit!!!
AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't forget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Singin'....

Mornin' ya'all!!!!

Well, I'm goin' back, back, back to my roots.....wooowooo!!!!! I dunno, that song was in my head and I needed to sing it, or else it woulda ruined my day by bein' stuck in my freakin' head!!!!!!
I mean, sometimes, well, a lot of times cuz I ain't gonna lie to ya'all, i get certain songs stuck in my damn head, and it takes some loud singin' and sometimes some dancin' to get rid of that shit!!!! And my kids ain't impressed, and believe me, everytime I start up, them little bastards is linin' up against the wall and judgin' me, like on one of them reality singin' shows!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.....i can't tell ya how many times i've been voted off the show....son of a bitch!

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Back Seatin'(gettin' laid)....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, it's comin' up on our town's local summer celebration, and I better see some ol' 'friends' of mine, cuz this girl needs to get laid, oh, uhhhh, I mean catch up on ol' times, well, ol' times involves me with my panties down around my ankles in the back seat of an '88 Ford Pinto, with a cramp in my hip and a drunk in my cooter, so yeah, gettin' laid....heeeheee
It'll be great to see the old gang, and what I mean by that, is the elderly folks doin' their wheelchair races down Main Street....ahahahhahahahahhahahaa

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Campin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, as summer draws on, I've decided to take it upon myself to get more involved with my kids and their summer activities. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
So, I decided to go campin' with them last yesterday, that's right, I took my 3 youngest, Tex Jr., Jolette and TB, out in to the glorious Maine woods for some hikin' and sleepin' in a tent. WELL, SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
First off, them lil' bastards, I think, fooled me into goin'! It was hot and muggy, and 3 kids and well, i'm kinda tiny, so four young bodies tryin' to fit into a 2 man tent, NOT LAST NIGHT!!!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA
Between the fartin', burpin', the screamin', and hair pullin', the kids couldn't stand to be in the tent with me anymore! AHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA
That's right ya'all, I turned the tables on them and had a wonderful night's sleep in my own tent, while they suffered and cried, and I think got a lil' drunk, out in the open wild with their sleepin' bags....heehee BASTARDS!!!!
I found out they had planned to make it the worse trip possible for me, by puttin' melted marshmallow in my hair, throwin' fire crackers at me and puttin' a snake in my sleepin' bag...GUESS WHAT???!!! I did all of that to them....AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA

I hope you have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Raggin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, I am happy to report I ain't pregnant, again! LMAO Good ol' Aunt Flow is in town, and everyone better get on their life jackets and call 911!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAAA
Oh goodness, when that crimson surf is ridin' high, I am the Queen of the Board!!!!!!!
I've got enough family and kids and enough bullshit, so I don't need another brat runnin' around, Son of A Bitch!!!
So everyone just better watch out and find shelter and wait out the storm, cuz i'm gonna go get me chocolates and tea and put on my stories....

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Prostitutin'....

Hey ya'all....

It's the joke of the day for ya:

What's the difference between yer job and a dead prostitute?

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Your job still sucks!!!

AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAA

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Family Crazin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, welll, welll, hear we are on a rainy Monday, and I am ready to take on the world!!!
Sooo, as ya'all can see, I am doin' my cookin' segments again, and we got lots of new surprises comin' yer way in our videos, along with some new and fun characters, cuz as ya'all know, my family and friends are the craziest bunch of bitches ya have seen this side of the Bacon Mixing Line....ahahhahahhahahahhahaaaa

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Bitches Gamblin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Thank goodness the week is gettin' better, with the crazy fun weather and crazy fun friends, well, my galfriend Lulu is the one who takes me away from all this bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, my kids, but sometimes, ya just gotta get out and.....gamble....AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA....That's right, whatever you were gonna spend on them for groceries, go on out to the local casino and play them slot machines bitches!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
Me and Lulu always win, and we don't tell no one...heehee...well, I guess I just did now! LMFAO

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean

Family Bitchin'...

Hey ya'all!!!

It's startin' to be one of them disasterous weeks....uggg!!!! The family can kiss my freakin' cornhole.
Now, I ain't one to bitch or gripe, or if I do, then there's a rhyme and a reason fer it.
You try to do everything you can to keep a happy and clean household, then everyone just dumps their shit!!! We were raised in the same house, and I also thought my damn kids know better...it's just one of them damn days I feel the wear and tear...sooo, looks like I need to buck up, cuz we are filmin' today, BECAUSE, we couldn't film yesterday since elbows and assholes in the way, again. Chad and I def need to start doin' more location filmin' away from this mess....LOL

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE, with a wooden bat in yer hand...heehee
XXX...Jolean

Nipple Tuckin'...

Happy Monday Mornin' to ya'all out there!!!!!

Woooweee! It has been an active weekend! My brother has me back workin' out, sweatin' my ovaries off, and guess what???!!! He's even make me get on a damn bicycle!!!! I went four miles the other day!!!! IN THE WOODS!!!! ...and didn't even get laid...heehee
Well, the bikini is startin' to look better and better on me, I can almost fit my nips in the top part...lol
Ahhhh shit, sorry to keep it short, but we are filmin' all day long, and some pretty excitin' stuff too! Let's just say, Halloween is comin' early this year....ahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahaaaa

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean

Nut Squashin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

So, I've been sittin' here recollectin' my thoughts, and Son of a Bitch if my brain don't hurt!!! ahhahhahahhahhhaa
Anyhoo, lately I've been dealin' with so many crazies in my life and wonderin', how does one get through the day without killin' a bitch???!!! HUH?! LMAO
It's reminds sumthin' that my mama used to tell me when I was a wee lil' ol' girl:
If the glass is half empty and you got a bunch of nuts around ya, swallow fer good luck, break the glass and cut a bitch, and step on all the nuts, just don't wear yer good Sunday heels doin' it!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHA....what does that mean? I dunno. But I guess the moral of the story is, don't ferget to tip yer bartender.

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE ya'all!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Body Suckin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

I had a visitor last night. He explored my body...licked, sucked, swallowed, and had his fill. When satisfied, he left. I was hurt. DAMN MOSQUITO!!!!
AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Teeth Strippin'...

Hey ya'all!

So here we go, another day of rain rain rain....lettin' it cleanse everything away, too bad it isn't cleansin' that damn rash! heehee
I have a feelin' that it's about time I confront my ex Tex, once again, about that damn toothless stripper that works at The Rust Box Strip Club! The crazy bitch, I can't talk to her, cuz she ain't got no teeth, and is always whistlin' and lispin' her freakin' words, AND IT ANNOYS THE HELL OUTTA ME!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! If she had any teeths, I'd prolly knock them right the hell outta her filthy pie hole!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE! ...unless ya got no teeth, then be cautious...heeheehee
XXX...Jolean :)

Sinnin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Okay, I've got another dirty joke fer ya'all! Enjoy!


What's the difference between sin and shame?

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It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out!

ahahhahahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahhaha
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Nature Breathin'....

Happy Monday Monday to ya'all out there!!!

Well, after a firestorm of a weekend filmin' with me, my brother, Uncle Vinnie, Jannie, and yes, Big Martha, I am ready to get back to gettin' to nature this week, gettin' out in the woods and communin' with nature, findin' my inner child, cuz I know that lil' ol bitch needs to breath...heehee, AND I NEED A DAMN BREAK FROM EVERYONE!!! Son of a bitch, ya know what I mean....LMAO

Anyhoo, we are comin' up on our 5 year anniversary of the show, and are workin' on a Special Episode for it, SO....I want ya'all to ask me any question you want, and I will answer them in the special episode, or if we get overloaded with questions, then we'll just do a Q&A special episode.

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Sun Greasin'...

Hey ya'all!

We are gearin' up fer a weekend of fun and filmin' new episodes fer ya'all!!! WOOWOO!!! Of course in this heat, you'll prolly see my all greased up from sweatin' and my hair will prolly look like an afro...heehee ooooh, that mugginess sure does have it's effects on this lil' ol' gal...HOT AND HORNY I TELL YA!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

sidenote: we are still havin' some technical difficulties with audio issues on our already edited videos, so please bare with us ya'all as it seems to be a daily occurrence, and it's a back and forth kinda thing...ugggg!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE, especially through the bullshit...heehee.
:)
XXX...Jolean

AUDIO ISSUES!!!!

Hey Everyone!
Chad Bishop here, co-creator and star of Jolean Does it!

I just wanted to give you all an update today.
It seems like my videos on youtube are having issues again, mainly, the audio. I am currently resolving the issue by having to go into each video and edit the audio.
PLEASE, if you are watching one of our videos (we now have nearly 500) on YouTube, and you notice an audio issue, notably the opening song plays throughout the entire video, PLEASE, leave a comment on the video, so we can fix that particular one.
As I said before, today I am fixing as many as possible, so hopefully I can accomplish that task and not have this issue again.
I am not sure if my YouTube got hacked, but if there is ANY strangeness, besides the normal crazy Jolean antics...lol, PLEASE let me know ASAP.

I appreciate you help and continued support.
Have a Happy Day Everyone!
Chad :)

Joke of the Day!!!

Good Afternoon Ya'all!

Happy Hump Day, so I gotta joke fer ya on this warm summer day! ;)

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?

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A seatbelt!!!
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Sexy Ice Creamin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, after a long hot sweaty(and glowin'...sueLOL)vacation, a bout of the chiggers(which will be documented in upcomin' vids...heehee) and a nasty ol' sinus infection that i've overcome, I am ready fer SUMMER YA'ALL!!!!!!
Of course, now it's almost mid July...SON OF A BITCH!!!! All my kids have already had their tans, got their summer crushes and got laid, and have made more money than i can count doin' Lord knows what fer summer jobs!!!
Well, time to put my big girl panties on (which by the way look ridiculous under my bikini!) and strike out into the bright sun (as long as i'm not drivin' into the sun, last time i hit an ice cream truck....we dated real hard for about 15 minutes after that up against the soft serve machine!!!!)

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Mosquito Bleedin'...

Happy Monday Ya'all!!!

Boyhowdy! Is is mosquito season or what???!!!! Them lil' blood suckers is after me like black on racist!!! I can't hardy find no bug spray to work, or place to hide!!!! It might not help that i sweat like stuffed pig, and am on the rag bleedin' like a stuffed armadilla!!!! ahahahahhahahhahhahahahaaaaa!!!!!
The only thing I can possibly think to do is make sure I got someone bleedin' or juicier than me, next to me while I am in the out of doors! And believe me you, I can make that happen! heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

4th of Julyin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, Happy 4th of July!!!!! WOOOOWOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Me and the kids got our fireworks and we is ready to terrorize the neighbors tonight!!! We make it a cross between Halloween and New Years...with costumes, stealin' shit, and gettin' drunk!!! ahahahhahahhahahahaa
I truly hope ya'all stay safe and celebrate the way the Good Lord intended....FIREWORKS FIREWORKS FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Water Proof Strippin'....

Hey ya'all!

So, as we prepare for filmin' this week, and the crew is already sweatin' and complainin', I mean they put my bitchin' sessions to shame!!! DAMN PUSSIES!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA
Anyhoo, we was realizin' we wish we had a waterproof video camera, so we can just film and spend the whole damn hot day in the water!!! Am I right??? Time to start workin' that pole down at the The Rusty Box strip club....

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Blonde Swimmin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

Well, lemme tell ya, I am beyond sweatin' to the oldies ya'all!!! It's hot and this little tart is goin' swimmin', I don't care how sick I am, I'm gonna go plop in the river!!!! LOL With all the stress and bullshit in life, I just may let the currents take me right the hell away.
ON that note, here's a lil' joke fer ya:

Why did the blonde keep doing the backstroke?
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She just had lunch and didn't want to swim on a full stomach!
heehee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

Summer Hottin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Woooweee!!!! It is hotter than raccoon roadkill on my Papa's bbq in the middle of august in hell, right now!!! heehee
I am lookin' forward to gettin' to some type of water, whether it be a river or a lake, or even a damn mud puddle down town!!!!
I gotta get cooled off, cuz fans are broken and I can only take off so many articles of clothing before the neighbors start callin' the damn cops! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA.....only thing is, i've slept with most of them local cops!!! heehee ;) (don't tell their wives!)

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Sun Bathin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
Just thought I'd do a lil' post before the gorgeous weekend!!!!!!!
Here are some Joleaner Rules to Remember for the summer:
1. If ya are outta sunblock, use Crisco, spread that shit on good, cuz it'll crisp ya right up!
2. Whenever you are ready for luvin' in the sand with yer partner, use a blanket, I'm still pickin' sand outta my cooter and cornhole from last summer!!!!!
3. If yer kids are startin' to act up at the beach, pool, lake, or whatever, make sure to bring naked baby pics of them in yer purse, that always shuts them right the hell up! Or ya can always pull off yer top 'accidentally'...heehee
4. If it's warm enough to swim, it's warm enough to piss in the water, and if ya gotta go #2, just be kindly and make sure i'm not downstream!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!! :)
XXX...Jolean

High Flyin'....

Hey Ya'all!

Jolean Thorton here, and I'm sicker than a dawg ya'all!!!! And ya know what I've learned when ya get sick, other people suck even more!
Yeah, the kids/family see that yer down, and just take take take....SON OF A BITCH!!! bastards
BUT, the upside??? The damn meds that I double dose-up on with my Scotch!!! AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA.... I'm flyin' higher than than a turkey with one feather on Thanksgiving!!!!! What does that mean? I don't know, and I don't really give a flyin' hoot neither !!! LMAO

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Midget Jokin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
Here's yer Joke of the Day!!!

When do you kick a midget in the balls?
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When he's standin' next to yer girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!!!

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean

Knot Tyin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
Well, he we go with another week of summer weather and just not knowin' what to do with myself!!! I know we gotta be filmin' for all you 'Joleaners' out there, and we got a good week fer that, but what i'm talkin' about, holy high hell on a bucket of fire water, I got relatives crawlin' up my ass and annoyin' the stink hole outta me....SON OF A BITCH!!!
Just because I make sure my kids are busy and outta my hair for there vacation, all the relatives are like, well, what did you do different than us????
I told them I turned off the electric, so they don't sit on their asses and watch the damned TV all summer!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA....except in my room of course, I gotta keep up on my daily stories!!!!! heeeheee
My kids are actually quite active in the outside, they sure know how to make some good rope knots, just ask that elderly fellow down the street with a walker that they keep tyin' to the fire hydrant!!! AHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Summerin'....

Hey Ya'all!!!
And Happy Friday, ooooooh, it's gonna be a wild and hot weekend ya'all, and i sure am ready fer it!!!
I finally got into the second half of my bikini, and believe me, I thinks it's on there till the end of summer....ahahhahhahaa
Anyhoo, my team and me are gettin' all ripened and prepped, sorry that sounds like a hemorroid thing...heehee, well, we are gettin' ready to jump back into a full filming schedule, so stay tuned ya'all, cuz this summer is gonna be freakin' awesome, especially if I get laid!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAA....
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean ;)

G-Spottin'...

Happy Thursday Mornin' To Ya'all!!!

Okay, time for a joke of the week!!!!

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?

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A guy will actually search for the bottle of Jack Daniels!!!!

AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Sexy Mowin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
Soooo, here's another little fun filled story of the summer....
I get back here to Maine, minus half of my kids which I now regret, since I was plannin' on just loungin' around while they did all the yard work. Well, my and the leftovers had a knife throwin' contest at the ol' man down the street to see who was doin' what fer the summer! heehee, I got an arm, so I get stuck with mowin' the damn lawn!
Well, I get all excited and nearly peed when I see there's a ridin' lawn mower! It's got a cup holder for my cocktail, a boom box duct taped to the side for my cassette tapes, YOU KNOW I'M GONNA BE ROCKIN' THAT SHIT FER THE SUMMER!!!! WOOWOO!!!
Well, I get my cut offs on, my bra top, and I am glistenin' head to toe cuz I just rubbed myself down in baby oil....hmmmmm, I love to give a show to the neighbors....ahahhahahhahahhaaaa
Anyhoo, I get my drink, put in my patsy cline cassette tape, and go to start that bitch up when BOOM!!! Nothin' is happenin'...the damn ridin' lawn mower is broken!!! And after much swearin', kickin', and a cryin', I find myself in a pickle, great now I'm hungry dammit!!!
And needless to say, I've slept with most of the neighborhood mens that would know how to fix it, well, they all ended badly, and I ain't got money to do shit with it either!!! Great, now I'm hot, hungry, AND horny....SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Well, guess what this gal is doin' fer the summer until my knight in shinin' speedo comes to rescue me??? THAT'S RIGHT, I AM WEED WHACKIN' THE DAMN LAWN WITH AN ELECTRIC WHACKER, AND A `1000 FOOT ELECTRIC CORD!!!!! This ain't gonna end well ya'all....heehee
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Bird Sexin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!
It's another gorgeous day in Maine, filled with blue sky, green trees, birds chirpin', actually, they been chirpin' them damn beaks off, so I imagine they are prolly in heat. And I never thought to wonder, do birds have peckers? How do they have sex? And what if the boy bird finishes before the girl bird, and get's it all over her feathers? That must be a damn mess, and I wouldn't blame her if she kicked him out, and went fer a crow or sumthin'. I mean, if they are havin' bird sex, why not a big black one???!!! Am I right, or am I right???!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean :)

Midget Rashin'

Well, Happy Day to ya'all!!!
Boy has it been a while or what?! LMAO I have been on my travels down south and am so happy to be back in Maine, cuz I sweat like a damned stuffed pig in that freakin' heat!!!! I mean, I was born in the swamps, there's shade and moisture, which can make fer some really dirty luvin'...heehee
I think I had 10 different kinds of heat rashes, I mean, I heard of friction, but this shit was making out maps on my inner thighs ya'all, not the way I wanted to spend my summer, especially when I finally got into one half of my bikini!!!! heehee
I've lost half of my kids along the way, even my little Midge, found her Daddy at the circus in Florida, now she's not just a little person, but a little person who dresses up like a clown, and pole dance on a high wire act...This sure is one proud Mama!!! I still ain't decided if I'm sayin' that sarcastically or not! ahahhahahahha
Well, I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XXX...Jolean ;)

Moanin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
One more post before the weekend! And it's gonna be a hot one ya'all! heehee

Well, i got a stupid joke for ya'all that my ex Tex always loves to tell when he can speak a sentence without slurring...heehee

How are women and tornadoes alike?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
They both moan like hell when they are coming, and take the house when they leave!
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Have a Happy Day ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XXX...Jolean

Skull Battin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!
So, guess what?! Well, ya'all gotta guess before I tell ya! AHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAA
Well, my Aunt Lerlean came for a visit, and holy high hell on wheels that she can be stickier than an armful of porcupines!!! Her and Uncle Vinnie had one of their spats, so she drove over here from the trailer park, with a flat tire, a busted out windshield, and blowin' smoke everywhere!!! Cryin' and yellin' and holdin' a baseball bat with what I thought was blood. She missed him in the kitchen and smashed some strawberry preserves! ahahahhahahahhahah....heehee
So, I was tryin' to calm her down holdin' a gun on her and not lettin' her in the house til she dropped the damn bat! Right???!!!
Well, I still go through that kinda shit with my ex Tex, so I ain't got much to look forward to in the future I guess, SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
But, I'll tell ya, 9.5 times outta 10, there ain't anything a bottle of Mr. Jack Daniels don't cure, unless he's the reason it all started.
Well, me and her ended up butt naked in the lake, dodging water moccasins, and drunk off our asses....whoooowheee...what fun!
We all sobered up in the mornin' and life is as sweet as pecan pie with whip cream on top right now!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE ya'all!!!!
XXX...Jolean

Air Conditionin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
It's another hot day here in Texas, and the breeze sure does feel nice! My damn kids are either huddlin' down by the pool, or huddlin' inside the air conditioned apartment...heehee....that's how it is, rushin' from one air conditioned place to another! And boy is it necessary. I guess my body was made for the 4 Seasons, that's the name of my Pimp's new musical group...ahahhahahhahaaa
But, all in all, ya'all take take the country outta the girl, unless yer constipated, then you need an enema, cuz that's what we used to call our poo's, country taters....AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XXX...Jolean

Crack Sweatin'

Hey Ya'all!
Well, with all this sweatin' goin' on down here in the south, I feel like I need to invest in some super absorbent diapers!!!! LMAO
I can't believe crooks and crevices that I have that are pouring out sweat quicker than a hobo with a new bottle of scotch..SON OF A BITCH!!!! AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAA
Well, with all this sweatin', I tell ya, I better be droppin' some pounds...heehee, yeah right, I'm bloated up like a raccoon with syphilis!!! And if ya ain't seen that sight yet, well, believe me you, it's bloated...heehee
I hope ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean ;)

TEXAS TOASTIN'...

Hey ya'all!!!

I know it's been a little while, but I finally moved down south!!!! WOOOOWOOOO!!!! I can't believe I made it down here with almost all of my 8 1/2 kids, and I say almost cuz I lost a coupla them at one of them rest stops...DON'T JUDGE ME DAMMIT, I needed gas money...heehee
Anyhoo, ya'all may as well know, officially, we are in AUSTIN, TEXAS!!!! WOOOWOOO!!!!
It is hotter than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire, but so beautiful!!! heeheehee
I just wanted to touch ya'all, I mean touch base with ya'all and letcha know I am still alive and a kickin'....which reminds me, I've been so damn busy down here, busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest...hahahahhahahahahahahhahhaha

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XXX...Jolean ;)

Blowin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

It's time to put on them Ruby Slippers...heehee And I wore my Tuesday Panties in case that tornado blows my dress up, blow, NOW I'M HORNY DAMMIT!!!!
Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Boxin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Just wanted to let ya'all know over the next coupla weeks there may not be a whole lotta posts or vids to share cuz me and the kids are makin' the big move down South!!! And I'm sure ya'all know how movin' goes...PIMFA, expecially wit 8 1/2 little bastards of terror!!!! aahahahahhahahahahahaa
Well, good thing is, at least they've all been helpin', of course, they packed up my youngest, TB, in a box and duct taped it, we couldn't find him for almost 2 Days!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA.....those kids of mine really know how to seal a box!

Anyhoo, have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Lesbian Knottin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Okay, so I went hikin' with my girls Lulu and Bextra-Ann, and lemme tell ya, Holy Rollin' Crappers on Cream Cheese stuck in the Shag Carpet!!!!! LMAO We all got sunburn, sunstroke, windburn, tick attacks, but at least we was bein' active and gettin' some exercise, right? HELLLLLL NOOOOOOO!!!! Not thatta way ya'all!!!
I can barely move, my kids keep pressin' their damn hands on my red skin to make prints, little bastards!!!! ahahahhahahahaa
But, havin' cocktails, and shots, and more cocktails on top of the mountain, then passin' out (hopefully not in a wild lesbian orgy knot, cuz I don't remember, and we do that sometimes...heehee, only when we're drunk.....) and wakin' up to a damn bird shittin' on my leg!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX..Jolean

Postin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, YouTube is back on the fritz and they keep messin' with my vids, so enjoy them, again, when I have to re-post them. Sorry ya'all fer the inconvenience. Maybe I need to move to where their headquarters are at and get a job there. Wouldn't that be a friggin' hoot! Jolean in control of youtube, I would whip that shit into shape...heehee.

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Mildewin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

It's hot and beautiful and I'm about as damp and mildewy as a basement...heehee My girl Lulu is draggin' me out on a hike up to this place called Table Rock, so I'm hopin' there's gonna be food!!! LOL

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Happy Mother's Day - Jolean Does it!

I hope ya'all are enjoyin' this gorgeous Mama's Day, weather ya got kids, animals, or even a drunk husband, WE ARE THE CARETAKERS!!!!!  AAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Scrubbin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!

Well, here we are, gettin' a bath from Mother Nature! I actually do like the rain, it's cleansin' and all. I just jump out in my back yard with my soap and shampoo and go to town scrubbin' down!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAA
We are plannin' on doin' lots of filmin' over the weekend, so hold on to yer cooter straps and get ready...heehee

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE ya'all! :)
XX...Jolean

Adventurin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

So, I went fer a hike yesterday with my girl Bextra-Ann. It was a beautiful day and we started walkin' through fields and came upon the trail that leads into the woods. WELL, there perched on log, was a little old man smokin' a cigar and he asked us if we had seen a blonde girl. We was like 'uh, no', and ran. He was like a troll workin' the toll bridge, and our adventure in wonderland started!!!
I'm talkin' weird growling, animal parts, strange noises, a beer can tree, creepy hollows, it was crazy ya'all, I felt like I was on an acid trip and my pantyhose was all twisted up...heeheehee
But, we got some exercise and made it out alive!!!!

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Luvin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Just wanted to say have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE, and I hope ya'all get lucky on this Hump Day, and yes, I mean get the old meat curtains greased down with some luvin'!!! ahahahahhahaha

XXJolean

Bangin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Holy Poop and Tits!!! Can ya believe we's in May???!!! Summer is right around the churn, and I gotsta get my bikini body rockin'!!! I mean, it's bad enough when I have to look in the mirror in my undies, of course, my boobies outweigh any and all, butt, well, yes my ass is pretty showy as well, well, I guess I AM READY FER THAT BIKINI....HEEHEEHEE

Plus, I ain't had any complaints yet, so it's time to start gettin' this bangin' bod and start gettin' BANGED!!!! LMFAO

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Weatherin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Here we are at the start of another seasonal week here in Maine...and I say seasonal, cuz we are still gettin' rain, cold, warm, sunny, hail, wind, calm, you name it!!! I'm about to throw down with Mother Nature and make that bitch start talkin'!!!! ahahahhahahahahhahahahaaa
But, that's what ya get fer livin' in New England, of course I'd thought there were gonna be a lot more lumberjacks around to court me as well, but when ya got 8 1/2 kids and the sex drive of a hyena, it can kinda scare them simple minded folks off...heehee
Thank goodness for my lifetime supply of Dayquil and Scotch cocktails. I have pre-mixed a few oil can containers of that love potion in case the end of the world comes, I wanna be swimmin' in a buzz....heehee

Have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE ya'all! :)
XX...Jolean

Crackin'...

TGIF Ya'all!!!

Wooowoooo!!!!! It's actually a beautiful day here in Maine, I'm still tryin' to get the creaks and cracks worked outta my body from sleepin' in...heehee
Coffee and brandy is helpin' with the transition, DAMN, IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD FRIDAY!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...JOLEAN

Hikin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

So me and my girl Bextra-Ann went fer a little hike yesterday in this little hell-hole we both grew up in....I mean, this quaint little hell-hole...heehee
Anyhoo, there is a trail in the woods that goes up a mountain next to the river, and it has waterfalls and moose shit clumps, the whole Maine Wilderness experience. And it's also a very popular trail that a lot of hikers like to use.
So, we was enjoyin' our day, walkin', hikin', drinkin', yellin' at squirrels, huggin' trees, pissin' in bushes, you know the drill...heehee
Well, we get to the top and guess what the hell they built up there???? AN OUTHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the middle of the damn forest!!!!! And it had a broom in it too!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS NEXT, A TACO STAND????!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Crampin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

Wooo, it feels like fall back here in Maine!!! Overcast and cloudy, much like when I'm hungover...ahahhahahhahahhaaa!!!!
It days like these that I like to take a walk and reflect back on my life, oh never mind, I just got a brain cramp, figures, it'll coincide with my other cramps...SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)

XX...Jolean

Wind Blowin'...

Hey Ya'all!
It's a windy Tuesday here in Maine, and lemme tell ya, I didn't realize and when I stepped outdoors, the neighbors (and kids!!!) got an eye full when my skirt blew right on up, and it's laundry day, so I had no panties on....AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA

They all screamed and yelled, except the gentlemen, who were startin' to get dollars outta theirs pockets to continue the show! LMFAO!!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Cleanin' and a Squattin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!
Boy, have I been busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin' contest!!! AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA
Packin', movin', dealin' the bullshit that goes along with all that...
Anyhoo, me and the kids are stayin' at Grandma's till the big move down south, and I got's to get back to spring cleanin' her house, the poor dear must be goin' blind, cuz she don't see my cuzin' squattin' on her front porch! BASTARD is gonna get the hose again...heehee
Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!
XX...Jolean

69in'...

Hey Ya'all!

So, I asked my Granny Thorton if she ever tried 69. And you know what she told me??? She said no, but she's done 53. That's all the sailors she could screw in one night!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAA
I love that old cooter!!!

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

TGIFin'...

TGIF!!!!!

That's all folks!

Have a beautiful weekend ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)

I'M GONNA GET LAID CUZ I'M HORNIER THAN A PORCUPINE IN HEAT!!!

XX...Jolean

Throwin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

Busy day in the Thorton household!
Pantyhose, paper plates, toilet paper, and popcorn are bein' strewn about the house.
Now, come up with a story with those items....heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Humpin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Happy Mornin' to ya, or actually, Happy Hump Day!!! And if ya think about it, why do they call it hump day? Is it because it's the middle of the week bein' represented by a hump? Why then wouldn't today actually be Happy Top of the Hump Day? Cuz the whole week would be the hump, and today is the top of it, the peak.
Just sayin'...heehee

Have a Happy Top of the Hump Day, and go get laid ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Scrubbin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

What a fantastical week it is gonna be! Why? I don't know. Just believe in magic ya bastards!!!! ahahahhahahahaaa
Sometimes yer the windshield, sometimes yer the bug, sometimes yer the 6 foot rotating scrub brush in the automatic car wash that washes all the shit off!!!!

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Mexicanin'....

Hey ya'all!
My good Hispanish friend Mo told me a joke...heehee

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

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=====================================

Bean Dip!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Sickin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

My ears are clogged, and I feel like shit! Time for some chicken broth and whiskey!!! So it starts gettin' nice outside and I am gettin' sick???!!! REALLY???!!! First Jack Frost could kiss my cornhole, now Mother Nature can kiss my cornhole!!!! Bastards!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :) (whatever!!!)
XX...Jolean

Naked Birthdayin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Happy Thursday to each and every one of ya!
Well, it's my twin girls', Hoho and Lolo's birthday today. They are 14, or 15, I can't remember. All I remember is that beautiful feeling of bein' doped up fer 2 DAYS, CUZ THAT'S HOW LONG I WAS IN LABOR WITH THEM!!!! Oh, but it was sweeter than an acid trip ya'all, cuz my girlfriend Mary G. was the nurse and kept uppin' my dosage, she was my best friend...heehee.

Anyhoo, I thought I'd surprise my 2 girls this mornin' with some breakfast in bed, cuz they don't have to go to school. I always told my kids, on their birthdays they can stay home from school. It's a thing...heehee
So, I made them their favorite, Peanut Butter and Jelly Omelets, you have to try it to believe it. I had everything on a tray, went up to their room and swung open the door and yelled 'Happy Birthday Bitches!!!'
And they was buck naked on the floor with four boys, who was also buck naked!!!! I screamed and yelled and started throwin' bodies around, JolZilla struck fuckin' town!!!!!!

Well, they was all off to school within 20 minutes, except that one boy Jibber, cuz I know his mama, and I wanted to talk with him and find out what the hell. Well, he's also 6 feet tall and built like a brick shit house, for a young man of 16. The rest I can't talk about legally, but needless to say, everyone had a surprise this day! ;)

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Paradise Meltin'....

Happy Hump Day to Ya'all! :)

Well, it's another day in a meltin' paradise, heehee. This weather is amazin', and the snow is just goin' goin' goin'....
All I've got fer ya today is a joke:

What is a plumber's favorite summer footwear?
********************************************
********************************************
********************************************
CLOGS!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Pukin' and Laughin'...

Happy Spring Day to Ya'all!

Okay, so have ya'all seen that movie 'The Heat' with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy? It is one of the funniest freakin' movies I have EVER seen!!! I love that chubby McCarthy chick, she ALWAYS makes me laugh my ass off. And I was laughin' so hard at this movie, I started chokin', and then my kids started laughin'!!! Bastards!!! Then I started laughin' again when we was watchin' the 'Exorcist' after that. We had had chili fer dinner, and I snuck in the kitchen right before the vomit scene, knocked down a raw egg, went back out to the livin' room and projectile vomited all over them!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Body Hidin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Woowee!!! Well, it finally is startin' to warm up like a fresh dog piss on Sunday afternoon fire hydrant in July! Thoughts of summer, the beach, the blazing sun, and a thong caught in between my ass cheeks...heehee!!!!
Sortin' and packin' is almost done, and lemme tell ya, my kids are pack rats!!! I can't tell ya how long it took me to move that body underneath my twins bed!!! Why was it underneath there? I don't know. Who was it? I don't know. Does it really matter? Only if the fuzz finds the body, but lemme tell ya, I learned a few things when I was a war bride to that drug lord down in Cuba back in '94! (wink-wink)

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Lobster Bib Purse - Buttery Boobs - Jolean Does it!

Mornin' Ya'all! Just wanted to share this vid for today cuz I wanted to DAMMIT!!!
We are gonna filmin' over the next coupla days, so busy busy busy so we can keep bringin' ya'all new vids every single day!
And remember, sometimes it's not good to trust a fart on the subway...ALWAYS WEAR PANTYHOSE!!!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Blue Birdin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

So, as I saw the kids off to school today, bluebirds started flyin' around my head, a supposed sign of spring! :) I don't know bout spring, but it's definitely a good sign of a yummy lunch! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Shortin'...

Hey Ya'all!

Busy day today cleanin' and a packin'...
Make sure ya'all get laid on this hump day! LOL
Don't ferget to have a Happy Day and SMILE!!! :)

XX...Jolean

Scummin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

HOLY ROLLING PORCUPINE'S ON A TAMPON!!!!! As ya'all know, this winter has been one of the worst in history, and me and my kids have been tryin' to survive in this damn rental house that's fallin' down around us quicker than a drunk sorority girl's panties at a house party!!! heeheehee
Anyhoo, ain't it funny how people see things differently? I been sinkin' all my money, or what money I got, tryin' to keep us warm and thawing pipes, and ya'all know the drill. Well, seems like my scumlords, excuse me, landlords, only see that i've been late on my rent, actually I ain't been able to pay in 2 months, thank the state and government fer that one. And they think I'm livin' it up over here, when I am just tryin' to survive. And believe me you, if I had a vehicle, I would work, but I'm out in the middle of nowhere, and I ain't takin' the kids damn school bus to work either!!!! heeheeeheee
Anyhoo, looks like me and the kiddies gotta find another place to live in a week, especially after that damn landlord(the husband) wanted 'special favors' fer payment! And I can't even afford my alcohol in order to be able to do that!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Firefighter's and Strippin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, it's official! This freakin' polar shift that happened last year has turned Maine into Alaska! And it sucks great big hairy diseased puss-filled ingrown haired chaffed bloody disgusting donkey balls!!!!!!
I've already started packin' a suitcase. I'm goin' to Florida, don't know when or how, but I'm goin', and the kids can come down with their Aunt and Uncle. But I'm goin' early!!!
I already got a job, yes it's workin' fer tips, and yes it's the night shift, and yes, it's dancin' on a pole at the local Fire Department down south. I sent them an audition video, and yes, it was 15 years old...heehee....

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Fundin'...

Hey Ya'all!!!

We are tryin' to raise money to help keep 'Jolean Does it!' going.
Please check out the link below!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!!!
XX...Jolean

http://www.gofundme.com/7pe5pg

Crappy Cookin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, I've learned my lesson on lettin' the kids cook dinner, once again! I think they screw it up just to piss me off!!! LOL
I'm talkin' about tuna fish sandwiches with Rice Krispies mixed in, tomato soup with pickles and jalapenos, and then them little bastards put garlic powder in my freakin' whiskey!!!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

STUPID SNOWIN'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Snow Sucks! That is all.

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! Lord knows I'm tryin' my hardest here...
XX...Jolean

Donkey Pissin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Happy Hump Day!!!!
I hope ya'all get humped, or do some humping, even if it's a rusty fire hydrant on the side of road in Tijuana! heehee
Just watch out fer them urinating one-eyed, three legged donkey's just lookin' fer love and a place to empty their bladders. heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE! :)
XX...Jolean

Cuzin' Luvin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Wowzers, did I sleep solid last night ya'all!!! It's amazin' what a box of wine, 1/2 bottle of Jack Daniels, and sex with a stranger will do for ya!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA
Don't worry, the kids are with Granny Candy in the RV park, and the stranger wasn't really a stranger. It was my cuzin' Vinnie Junior, my Aunt and Uncle's son. It was the only son of theirs that I hadn't diddled with yet...heeeheee....oh don't worry, we ain't really cuzins, just blood related!
But now I am refreshed and ready fer the day!!! Almost like I did a Summer's Eve and Calgon Bath at the same time!!!! AHAHAHAHHAAA

I hope Ya'all have a Happy Day, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Crusty Cleanin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

It's Monday, and thanks goodness the kids are in school, now it's time fer Mama to clean house after the weekend, meanin' cleanin' the filthy bathrooms(I got 8 1/2 kids, so you can only imagine...heehee), laundry, crusty sheets(damn boys), and I got one daughter who thinks playin' 'hide the dirty tampon'is a funny game!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!

But, I also got my stories to watch before my brother hauls me off to the gym....UGG!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

South Movin'...

TGIF YA'ALL!!!!

And I mean that sincerely, from the depths of my cornhole that Jack Frost can kiss!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA

Seriously, AND NOW COLD WEATHER TO BOOT???!!! It's almost zero, my water pipes are frozen, and it's the middle of March!!!! I am movin' south this fall, and that ain't no joke either. I know I've joked and kidded bout that, but I am packin' up my kids and all their baggage(yes, the mental ones!!! LOL), my Aunt Lerlean and Uncle Vinnie sold their house and are comin' with us, it's gonna be a Thorton cluster-f@#$, but oh well!
I am gonna be on the beach this freakin' Thanksgivin', and you can quote me on that my dear Joleaners!!!! This Southern White Trash Ho is movin' back to the South!!!! WOOOWOOOOO!!!!!!
So put that in yer pipe and smoke it Jack!!!!! HA!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Kid Kiddin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

It's Thursday. Snow on the ground. Home with the kids, again. Well, we are all gonna have a damn cleanin' party and then do some filmin'.
My family may be a pain in my ass, but us Thorton's band together when the goin' gets tough, well, I start yellin', throwin' things, and threaten to give full custody to Tex, that's when they start listenin'...heehee

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Storm Schoolin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well what horrid hump day!!!! I guess I wasn't dreamin' yesterday when I wrote my blog, THE SNOW IS COMIN' FER US YA'ALL!!!! RUN! HIDE! SAVE THE WOMEN AND THE CHILDRENS! CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO ALIENS AND AMMO! THE SNOW IS COMIN' FER US, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD....or the the beginnin', who the hell knows!
One of the things I don't understand is that the school called me at 6am in this mornin' to let me know the kids only have a half day of school cuz of the storm, BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED!!!! That never woulda happened when I was a young buxom thang in the 80's! We were in that school till 230!!!! I don't get these days, I think everyone walks on eggshells when it comes to kids...just my opinion. Them little bastards are gonna be cleanin' house fer Mama when then they get home, and they have some bedpans to empty and clean too...LMAO

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Snow Dreamin'...

Happy Terrific Tuesday Everyone!!!

I am writin' this from my dreams right now. I know I'm not awake right now ya'all, and ya'all know how I know, cuz there's new snow outside on the ground. It's the middle of March and this can't be real. And then someone in my dream told me we might get another foot of snow tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA to them, cuz I can wake up any time I want!
I think I might go out and get my newspaper in the nude.

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE, cuz I know I am in this wonderful dream. I'll have to write about it when I wake up.

XX...Jolean

Old Person Fartin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

So anyhoo, I've been havin' my Grandma Thorton stayin' with us, AND IT HAS BEEN HELL!!!
That old biddy needs her bed pan changed every hour, I've gone to makin' her wear them adult diapers, but she says they make her butt look big. HER FAT ASS MAKES HER BUTT LOOK BIG!!!!! AQHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA
The kids and I love her to death, focusing on the TO DEATH, (we can only pray right now...heehee) but she is drivin' us nuts with her loose anus lettin' them old person farts flyin' off the handle, burnin' her butthole, and makin' us all teary eyed!!!
Then she goes into her stories, and it amazes me that that woman is still alive!!!
But, at least I had someone else to play with on film, and she better be makin' us some money, dammit!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Evening and don't ferget to SMILE!
XX...Jolean

Hair Dryin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Okay, the weekend is here and it's supposed to be warmer weather.....YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! It's been a damn defensive porcupine in my cooter hole havin' to deal with frozen pipes every damn mornin', and my damn hair dryer that I use to thaw the pipes just melted and broke because it slipped onto some old insulation...PAIN IN MY COOTER HOLE!!!!! But, that's why I got a few daughters, cuz one of them is gonna be missin' their hair soon pretty damn soon....AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAA

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Burgerin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Oh my goodness, so my brother Chad has me ADDICTED to the tv show 'Bob's Burgers'!!!!! It's a cartoon and it's on Netflix, well, at least the first 2 seasons, and I keep watchin' them over and over, SON OF A BITCH!!!! It's takin' up my time from watchin' my stories (...hinthint...Days of Our Lives)
The kids on that show rival my own with their crazy shenanigans!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAA
WAIT!!! ME AND MY KIDS NEED TO BE A CARTOON!!!!! HOLY CRAP YEAH!!!!
Make sure to check it out, and I gots to get caught up on the current ones....

Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Mardi Grasin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, Mardi Gras is over, and I didn't even know it was goin' on!!!! LMAO Priorities change when you live in the woods versus the city....heehee. I happened to catch a story on the radio about how it's been the coldest Mardi Gras in HISTORY!!!! Same up here in Maine, and I don't have to say anymore, cuz I've ranted enough bout that, and I'm even tired of rantin' and bitchin' bout how F'ING COLD IT STILL IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jolean, the human Popsicle..... and my lil' popsicle children! LMAO

I remember livin' in the city and me and my girlfriends used to plan out our week fer Mardi Gras, a different bar/club every night and then we would hit them all in one night, FAT TUESDAY!!! And I never had to worry bout the kids cuz we lived in the city and a sitter was easy to find, and if there was an emergency, it was immediate attention.
Now, one of them little bastards can get stolen by a bear or sasquabotch, and I wouldn't know fer days!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Calm Sleepin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

HAPPY TERRIFIC TUESDAY!!!! I know, I know, I am up early, and I feel like I'm on crack!!!! LMAO Guess that's what happens when I actually get a good nights sleep! heehee
It must be this damn FREEZE that we are in, and I think the kids are sick of it too, they been nestin' down early and not tryin' to kill each other. It's nice, but it scares me...EEK! Kinda like the calm before the storm....it's the freeze calm before the spring storm! LOL

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Resolutionin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

So I have a question fer ya'all out there....
How have yer New Years Resolutions been goin'?
Me personally, I'm doin' more than great with mine...I haven't gotten pregnant, they haven't found that body, I haven't gotten remarried, I'm still filmin'(a new video EVERY DAY YA'ALL!!!),
...and then there's the one's I'm still workin' on...
I still have all 8 1/2 kids at home, I'm still need to lose 10 pounds(ALRIGHT, 30!!!), I still need to move where it don't snow, and I still got that recurring rash on my cooter hole...

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Top Tennin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Hope ya'all are havin' a super awesome weekend!!!
Well, it's Sunday, and Team Jolean is gonna be filmin' all day to keep all you Joleaner's out there laughin' and happy!!!
I've got a question fer ya'all, I need some ideas on doin' more TOP 10 LISTS, since my first ones did so well, and were so much fun.
Lemme know below, or email me.
Stay warm and it's Sunday, so Get God Ya'all! :)
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!

XX...Jolean

Cooter Hole Chillin'...

Good Afternoon Ya'all!!!

Well, it's another cold day in hell!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA

This gal ain't goin' through another winter...F*#@ THAT!!! This has been one of the longest, coldest, and bullshittiest winters in East Coast History!!!
I woke up to frozen pipes, AGAIN, (and I ain't talkin' about my ex Tex not bein' able to perform in the snow....heehee) a free flowin' sewer underneath the house, (and I ain't talkin' bout that dirty toothless stripper that sometimes passes out underneath the porch...LMAO), and let me tell you, it don't seem how warm you get yer house, there is still that chill in the air that ya can't get rid of, and now it's seepin' into my bones, makin' me go APE SHIT!!!! And it ain't just me, my girl Lulu, and many others, have said the same thing about this winter...and THEY ARE ALL MOVIN' DOWN SOUTH!!!!(and I ain't talkin' bout takin' off my Tuesday Panties! LOL)
So now, it's time to start makin' plans to get the hell outta this place, I mean, I wish me and my kids, well, minus the kids, heehee, could have the summer of Maine, all year round, hence the need to move down south. I guess I'm ready to deal with floods and hurricanes instead of the freezin' pain in my ass, chokin' me to death, rash on my cooter hole, ice pick in the ear, F'ING COLD!!!!
Has anyone ever been to Florida? And what would ya'all think of seein' me and my clan ON THE BEACH??? WOOWOO!!!!! JOLEAN DOES IT, ON THE SOUTH SHORES!!!!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Cruise Shippin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!
Okay, so have any of ya'all out there ever worked on a cruise ship? I'm thinkin' bout takin' a job on one fer the summer. I figured it would be good to live on the water and be a dancin' lady for a few months. I mean, I learned how to dance on a pole when I was 11, so I think I got this thing nailed.
mmmmmmmm, nailed on the open water, NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' BOUT!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA
It's a private 'gentlemans ship', an it's course is mainly down around Cuba, and believe me when I tell ya about knowin' about courses south of the border...heeheeeheeeheee

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Hump Day Greetin'...

Hey Ya'all!
Happy Hump Day!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!! :)
XX...Jolean

Hobo Humpin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Well, with the hope of spring one day, comes the threat of a delayed winter the next, without even buying you dinner first and then kissin' ya on the mouth(with tongue!!!) while he is secretly handcuffing your ankle to the radiator. Of course, after you pass out for a few days from the roofies he put in yer vodka oatmeal smoothie, and he got bored waitin' fer ya to wake up, so then he takes off, and then ya realize you ain't in yer appartment, yer in some god forsaken warehouse who knows where.
But then you come to the conclusion to try and pick the lock on the handcuffs, but then realize the handcuffs are actually plastic and break very easily.
And then what goes through yer mind is 'What the hell have I been doin' for the past coupla days, oh that's right, bein' passed out while hobos urinate on you, stray dogs are tryin' to hump you, or was that the other way around???!!! Doesn't matter, but you hope that's just a knot in yer hair from bed head and not a rat nesting in yer hair.

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day with warm thoughts of Spring in the air as we continue with a few more cold spells. And don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean :)

Sweatin' the Beddin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

It's Monday, and I'm already ready fer Friday!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA

It was another night of bein' all moist and sweaty in bed, wakin' up every hour on the hour, now I gotta wash them sheets...SON OF A BITCH!!! I AM TOO YOUNG TO BE GOIN' THROUGH "the change"!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Well, we could get more into alien conspiracy theories, but we'll save that fer another day...heeheehee
I'm off to do some voice-overs for our next 'From the Vault' series, so that should be up online tonight...WOOWOOO

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Weatherin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

WOOOOWEEEEE!!!! Spring is here!!!! Well, almost, just enough beautiful weather to get us all in the mood fer flip flops and peein' in the bushes....ahahahhahahahhahahah
I know we got more snow comin' this week, but just to be able to go out and get my newspaper in my Tuesday panties again is so delightful...heehee

I hope ya'all are havin' a great weekend!!!
Have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean ;)

Pubic Hairin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

Well, I am gettin' older, I found a gray hair, A GRAY HAIR!!!!!!!! And that little sucker was down near my badger hole, MY BADGER HOLE!!!!
Tex was down there gettin' an early start on huntin' season, when BAM!!! He's starts laughin' and callin' me his really old lady and Mrs. Robertson. I tried to tell him it's Mrs. Robinson, but then he passed out drunk...oh well! heehee

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX..Jolean

Milk Man Pluggin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

So, after much deliberation, I have decided to DO IT!!! To make that change in my life, to change things for the better, to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new, to slough away the dead skin and re-emerge as a blossoming butterfly!!!!!
I AM GETTING HAIR EXTENSIONS!!!!
That's right, stand and deliver, call the dough boy, cancel the milk man, plug the cooter hole, burn the cake, AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA DODGE!!!! I have a Dodge vehicle, so get out of my car dammit!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAAA
Don't worry ya'all, I'm gonna be video taping my gettin' my hair extensions, so stay tuned and look out for my on youtube next week!!!! And while yer on there watchin', make sure to subscribe to my Channel!!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all, and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean

Tree Humpin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

It looks to be another beautiful wintery day here in the back woods on the frozen lake in Maine! I'm thinkin' bout takin' a hike with my little baby boy TB.
Although, TB has been kinda scarin' me as of late. He's been startin' to growl when strangers or animals are in the yard, he's been growin' weird patches of hair, and he's been startin' to purr when he sleeps!!!!
And when I take him for a walk in the woods he seems very happy and alert and tries jumping onto the trees...plus he likes to shit and bury it in the leaves and pees on bushes. And one time he tried humpin' Uncle Vinnie's wooden leg!!!
And he always gets upset when we have to leave a particular area where I've seen the Sasquabotch!!!!

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

President Respectin'...

Mornin' Ya'all!

Okay, so I hope ya'all had a super fantastic Presidents Day!
Here's a breakdown of how mine went:
The kids convinced me that school was cancelled, but I still wouldn't let them back inside the house!!! I think they are still up on the roof somewhere...heehee
Then, I had planned a day with my driver to take me to the city so I could got to the bank, the post office, you know the drill! And SON OF A BITCH!!!! They should let you know all these damn places close down fer the day to celebrate what? A bunch of men who keep puttin' us in wars, makin' us poor, are racist, and just plain Satan(I'm talkin' bout that current guy).
WHAT ABOUT ME???!!! What about a day to celebrate us Mom's who have to deal with 8 1/2 kids, a drunken ex, and stalkers???!!!! I mean really!!!!
Wait what? Oh that's right, Mother's Day....WELL, they don't close the fucking banks on that day do they????!!!!! HA!!!

I hope ya'all have a Happy Day and don't ferget to SMILE!!!
XX...Jolean

Bathroom Sexin'....

Mornin' Ya'all!!!

I hope ya'all had a really great Valentine's Day, wait, no I don't. I hope ya'all were stuck with yer kids watchin' horror movies and sippin' wine mixed with tears!!! Cuz Son of a Bitch, I was!!! Watchin' hearts bein' ripped out of bodies with a pick axe is much more satisfyin' than bein' treated like a lady by bein' takin' on a date out to a crowded and dirty MacDonald's where yer date(that's right, this is where my ex Tex took me last Valentin's!!!) told ya you can only order one item, off the dollar menu. Thank goodness we sat down next to someone who just left their tray on the table so I was at least able to have half order of a small french fry to go with my cheeseburger(well, processed cardboard).
AND THEN, when you go wash yer hands in the bathroom before ya eat, Tex sneaks into the ladies room to try and have sex with me!!! Well, I do have to give that drunk bastard credit, when he ain't passed out from drinkin' (or with that toothless stripper, or for that matter, at a circle jerk with his buddies) he is quite the verile and sexual man!!!
We went bangin' around all over that bathroom, I LOST A TOOTH!!!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA
Then when we get back to our table, someone had stolen my cheeseburger and 1/2 fries. What are ya gonna do???

Have a Happy Day Ya'all and don't ferget to SMILE!!!!
XX...Jolean